22:33 update, 20 min
the situation is still bad.
I didn't have the interview this morning
but I ate: 1,2,2,2 oranges, 1 apple, date, dried fig and apricot, almonds, pecan, brazil nuts, and walnut.
I ate outside hummus + 2 pita + cucumber+ tomato
and I went to a yoga class and shopped later:
quinoa, buckwheat, brown rice
mung bean, red and green lentils, tofu, avocado, tomato sauce, ketchup, a bag of potatoes
I had today: 3 coffee soy milk cig, 1 bread with chocolate
what will help me change my ways?
meditations
reading about health
reading the book I purchased, the book of Florian about fit vegans' secrets.
the veggies are outside the fridge, ready for me to make a salad of them, sort them
see what I need to buy
I know the cilantro is rotten
one orange is rotten
the chick pea I sprouted became rotten, I threw them.
what will help me?
to eat more fruit
to cook
to make salads
the dried fruit and nuts.
lowering the gear
having time daily for my self growth work
it's good that I stopped today to work and started working on my healing by going to a yoga class, shopping, and now health coaching, and hopefully some reading.
there's still extra work to finish ( talking about my workplace: I need to check 1.5 tests + extra single tests, and filling forms, and to devote time for 4 supplementary courses, which I plan to deal with on Wednesday, my off day) ( if I make it, I want to attend a Torah lesson tomorrow, but cooking, and making a salad should come first + what about fitness tomorrow?)
what will help me?
tomorrow, I'll take to school again: oranges + apples but I'll also take nuts and dried fruit in a box.
I should sort the veggies and after work tomorrow, come home, cook, make a salad and eat them.
I should see if I need to buy lettuce. probably yes, and I'll buy bananas to eat the lettuce with the bananas.
I prefer an organic lettuce, but I won't persist on that since I can buyorganic lettuce only when I encounter one.
what else will help me?
today, when I went to eat hummus, it was a time of weakness
my work, as a teacher, often drain my nervous energy,
and it's over, I'm used to compensating myself with food, outside food, food that I don't need to prepare, fast food,
food that other people make for me after the work I gave to other people ( teaching).
what will help me?
I need to hold my horses
to wait until I get home
to wait until I cook and make a salad
eat it and then rest.
I must break the vicious cycles I get trapped in every day.
same triggers
same thinking patterns
same mistakes
same falls
I must, with Your help, change it, cut it, break through it,
tomorrow morning is a success window
I'm used to having a coffee and a cigarette as if there's no tomorrow,
as if I don't have G-d ( this is an expression)
tomorrow morning I have a chance to make a change, to break through the vicious cycle
how can I do it?
will I remember, strong enough, these words I initiate, with Your help?
how will I remember strong enough these words tomorrow morning to make a change?
should I write myself a letter?
a note? a reminder?
why not?
maybe I can write more than one note
I can write notes in a few places in my apartment
saying:
I'm afraid, me of tomorrow morning, will give a fuck/shit about these notes
and then, I'll be disappointed at myself
and if not?
and if yes? at least I tried.
and if it will succeed? it will be worth the try.
alright:
I'll hang 3-4 notes
saying:
Roee, you have an opportunity now, to break through the vicious cycle.
go to school without a coffee and a cigarette. without chocolate. without a bread.
drink water, drink herbal tea, eat fruit. go to school and start working there. Write there a letter to yourself when you return home, or when you finish work, saying: you have an opportunity to make a change and break through the vicious cycle: go straight home, cook and make a salad.
and then, write yourself a letter, for the end of the day saying:
You have an opportunity, to break through the vicious cycle, and not smoke before bed.
as long as I don't have guests, I'll do it.
be right back:
I wrote four and hang them.
good night.
642/30295
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