I finished the event in the synagogue
where there was sushi, and I ate and ate, it was a behavior I'm not proud of
few people who trying to get more, and I'm one of them.
the event ended
and I know I'll had a cig eventually
but I was in Tel Aviv
(it's amazing to write about it now that I'm in my warm cozy home) and there, i was thinking about home that it is depressing, or that the way is depressing or that Bat Yam is depressing comparing to Tel Aviv which is a celebration city
I bought a coffee,
there was coconut water but I chose the coffee
which was not vegan
I sat there, drank and smoked
talked to myself
I sat alone
and when it ended I felt so stupid
so low
what was missing me?
what tools could I use in that situation to avoid it?
it's hard for me to think about it right now
but I own it to myself
what was missing me? why did I do it?
maybe the switch from company to being by myself is difficult to me
maybe it is depressing to lose the group/ tribe/ family? feeling and to stay alone
ride all the way to Bat Yam, to be alone at home
I'm not alone
You are with me
and the plants
and even my cat's spirit is here since it's less than 30 days after her death
what could I do differently?
what could really help me?
I could ride straight home
to celebrate in Tel Aviv... could I celebrate in Tel Aviv differently?
I should write about my fall right when they happen.
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