Thu, Mar 30, 23

 9:41 update

got up too early

I think I can sleep in another sleeping circle

I started with red orange

bike rides, 2 potato burekas, 2 chocolate pastries, coffee v milk, cig.

I'm free till night. no plans at all but to be at home and use the helping tools (till night when I go to a party)

45 min meditation, 1 hour sorting papers, 

run, walk, animal flow, yoga, bodyweight exercises

fruit 2,3, salad, my cooked food, 

cleaning

helping tools

2.5 hours of reading

thinking, resting, chilling, relaxing, calming, 

watering the plants

not connecting with friends besides what I did till now

yes, I woke up to this off day, no meetings day, and the pattern offered me to go to a cafe and have pastries with coffee and cig.

and I did it. not immediately. I went to throw trash, feed cats, etc, first.

took the bike and not the motorcycle.

yes, I should remind myself. no contacting besides what I already did. just responding minimally. 

today, is a day for healing ( except for the cafe in the morning)

today I should take it easy.

12:48

brown rice, canned beans tomato sauce, parsley soy sauce

2 bread slices jam chocolate black tea v milk cig.

797/30295

21:15 10 minutes update

I had an idea

homemade lemonade

doesn't have to be squeezed lemon with sugar

I can use maple syrup or date honey

and add mind from my pot.

I didn't run today, nor did I practice yoga or my first animal flow/ primal movement

I meditated today for 45 minutes, read The Mind Illuminated 

I ate an orange

I ate my cooked food and added parsley

I ate out hummus with mushrooms, falafel balls, pita bread, salad, lemonade

at home, I add coffee v milk and cig ( the 3rd)

I'm going out to a party tonight

I rested a little, I'll rest more

I'll try to read for 1 more hour after this update.

tomorrow there's only one plan (Kabbalat Shabbat) 

for Saturday, there are no plans

on Sunday, I'm at work for 4.5 hours.

I didn't do writing exercises lately. I didn't use the helping tools today

but I added 2 new helping tools in the past few days: to think/ reflect/ contemplate

and the animal flow.

I dare to share more personal experiences online

every day for 1 hour nowadays, I sort papers I have accumulated for years, 

I cleaned today a little

798.30295

Wed, Mar 29, 23

 9:08 10 minutes update

it's my 2nd day off on this 2.5 weeks holiday.

I've started with the last slice of gluten-free bread with v chocolate and a jam without sugar, organic coffee v milk, rolled cig.

I had a natural Bowel Movement.

I plan today:

45 minutes meditation

1 hour of sorting papers

exercising: yoga, run, walk, gym, 

there's another kind of sports I want to practice

flow, primal movement, (locomotion), animal flow, 

I'll add it now to my helping tools

(so now I have 7 sports: walk, bike ride, run, yoga, primal movement-animal flow, bodyweight exercises, gym)

I need to buy tahini to make home made hummus

I have cooked food. yesterday I've cooked: rice + canned beans, baked sweet potato, and boiled starchy veggies: potato, carrot, turnip and long beet

I plan 2.5 hours of reading

I have homework, last homework

yesterday I've registered Master's degree: Education for an active and healthy lifestyle. 

Thank You for helping me decide.

and the homework I need to finish, they are on a subject close to my healing: decision making. 

I'm happy

I hope to run today 2 km as well

I hope to practice yoga today as ell

I hope to go to the gym today.

I plan to make a salad today

but this time, not to stuff me by it

I plan to eat fruit today. yesterday I've eaten only 1 orange.

10:56 I did 45 meditation. and ran 2.1km.

12:13 I ate 2 pears, 1 apple. another apple. 

17:12

bike ride, 1 hour gym, healthy (tahini, lemon, gluten-free pasta) and unhealthy (2 potato burekas, a chocolate pastry) shopping, bike ride

at home:

v protein shake with frozen bananas

2 potato burekas  + tomato

baked sweet potato+ carrot

chocolate pastry, green tea v milk, cig

noon nap.

796/30295

Tuesday, Mar 28, 23

 weight: 98.8

circumference:

exercising:

2 km run, short beginner yoga

food:

orange, herbal tea

smoking, 2 potato burekas, 1 chocolate pastry, coffee v milk, cig.

Salad, tea v milk cig 

8:44 update

My 2.5 weeks holiday is here.

I don't have obligations or meetings

I said to meet a friend for pleasure, there's an interesting lesson at 21:15, there is English Zoom at 17:00. and open day of college

except these

well I can go out to the gym, to run, to feed the cats and water the sapling/seedling

so, yes, I guess I have some plans

but

I'm free, I have a free time.

I must cook. 

I wrote that + to make a salad + fruit2, fruit 3 and I highlighted it.

my friend ran 8.5 km at 52 min, 6:05 min for a kilometer. I'm far from this level but it encourages me to aspire/ pursue this goal.

795/30295

Mon, Mar 27, 23

 weight: 98.1

circumference:

exercising:

food:

tomato, gluten-free bread chocolate jam, coffee v milk, cig. B12

clementine.

food for the workers, only sweet foods: I ate 2 cakes, chocolates, pecan, walnuts. there were also dates I didn't eat.

another round of 2 cakes, chocolate, chocolate, and coffee v milk

Again a big fall like yesterday hummus 2 pita egg

Extremely heavy

Another coffee v milk and cig

793/30295

10 min update:

when is my next run?

refined sugar is not good for my energy levels

yesterday's hummus 2 pita were a disaster to my body

I didn't go to the gym afterward, I went to sleep, I fell asleep during meditation.

I weigh 98.1.

I'm in a noisy room. I don't have ear plugs. I'm going to listen to relaxing music. music is on,

so, today I'm starting the 2.5 weeks holiday where I plan to change.

what are my plans? ideas for this quality gift time:

run

meditate

read The Mind Illuminated

read How not to die

watch inspiring content on YouTube

inspiration on Instagram,

Facebook groups

Books (Gita as it is, OA, CoDA, AA, yoga, habits, awaken the giant within, the power of the unconscious mind, raw food explained, the journey home)

gym

protein powder + frozen banana shakes

veganism

making salads

eating green leaves every day ( lettuce, basil, dill, parsley, celery, green onion, baby leaves, beet leaves, cilantro)

walks

being alone, not planning meetings, 

converting into myself

sorting stuff, sorting papers 

getting rid of stuff I don't use, I don't need

yoga at home

coconut water

facebook groups, faebook, facebook pages

creating and uploading inspiring content

bodyweight power exercises

writing exercises

journaling

bike riding

grounding

cleaning the floor, cleaning stained clothes 

reading prose books ( escape, )

more books: non-violent communication

letting stuffed emotion float and get processed (experienced) by me

buy 1 kg tofu

measure my circumference

cry, laugh, feel excited

channel energies to sports

10 min writing exercise: Healthy positive thoughts

I have oranges, pears and apple, dried figs

at home I have: dill, parsley, spinach, lettuce, dark leaves lettuce, celery, beets, carrots, potatoes, red onion, radish, turnip, 

I finish at 14:24, with Your help I'll get home at 15:00. I'll cook, make a salad and eat.

I'll finish eating at 16:00. I'll get to the lesson by motorcycle and try to get to the lesson at 8:00 p.m. in Ben Yehuda.

During 16-17:30 I'll rest

I can do yoga, run, bodyweight power exercises

I can measure my circumference, read an article about health, 

read about testosterone

how to raise it

I need to spend more time alone

I think that's a good way to change

for example, yesterday, my message to a friend, if he had worked out already yesterday ( to maybe suggest he join me go to the gym and by that make me go to the gym), was unnecessary

794/30295

Mar26-Apr1 Exercising

 Sun

about 2 hours walk

Mon

Tue

2 km run, short beginner yoga

Wed

2.1 km run, gym 1 hour , yoga? flow?

Thu

bike rides, 

Fri

1 hour gym

Sat

792/30295

Sun, Mar 26, 23

 weight:

circumference:

exercising:

about 2 hours walk

food:

tomato, gluten-free bread jam chocolate, coffee v milk, cig

an apple

after work: hummus 2 pitas. pickles, oil, onion. very heavy meal.

19:11 coconut water.

2 hours walk

791/30295

11:37 update

I finished doing something. 

23:11

I did a long walk, washed the dishes, tidied up, 

I experience some issues with friends

1 friend (O)doesn't want to meet me, I should let go for a while

one friend (M) didn't call me back

one friend  (L)felt rejected by me so he cut the chat and then I felt rejected

two friends (R +R) didn't return me a call

I need to choose what I'm doing next year.

anyway, it's late now

tomorrow is the last day before 2.5 weeks of holiday and  I plan to change. 

Sat, Mar 25, 23

 weight:

circumference:

exercising;

food:

tomato, coffee v milk cig

synagogue: 2 slices of bread, vegetables: cucumber, celery, kohlrabi, 

goat cheese, hummus, paste with garlic ( and eggs?)

1 cookie, another cookie, a bite of a cookie, 

tomato cheese salad, grape juice, pieces of pear, an apple, and an orange

3 wrapped by vine leaves rice, candied pecans,  

coffee v milk cig

288/30295

12:57 10 minutes update - 13:07

I'm sitting on the Second floor with my laptop and a friend

I'm after that stimulating coffee and cig, I feel stimulated

after this missile, I'll crash

I don't need to wait for Monday for my 2.5 weeks of holiday except for a few days1(1 day at school, 2-3 days with my family, 1-day trip)

I can and should start at the moment.

I got the book the Journey home

let me make sure it's on my list. it is

and last night in the evening of the Gita group

they mention controlling the senses. 

I should read about it. 

it's 13:02 and here, on the Second Floor, I have 3 hours of work

I should run soon

I think I ran this week. Let's check if I recorded that on the post of this week's exercising

yes, I ran on Tuesday.

I have vegetables from Wednesday. I should eat them before they get rotten 

I woke up early, tried to meditate, fell asleep, so I didn't meditate today. yet. 

15:41 - 15:51 10 min health coaching

I'm not drugged now.

my belly's still full.

it's 15:42

I have clothes for the gym before the protest at 8p.m.

I read a short article about Saffron and erectile dysfunction, then I read the subtitles of a YouTube of Dr. Greger about ED.

I'll have to leave the Second Floor in 17 minutes

at 17 the gym reopen and I can workout there. in Tel Aviv. till  18. 

and then I have less than 2 hours to do something for my healing. 

I can take a walk, I can stay at the gym, walk on the treadmill, and watch or listen to something like yesterday's Raw Food Heroes Livestream.

I can walk to the beach

I can sit in a cafe and read, write, watch something.

I can read about controlling the senses. 

I can prepare lessons for tomorrow spreading my messages in them.

On Monday I'm going to a Gita lesson. Maybe I'll go as well to the weekly Torah portion lesson. 

Tomorrow, on Sunday there aren't any special plans. it's a new week so I can go to the gym.

I want to meditate as well, water the plants, feed the cats, clean, tidy up my apartment, sort my stuff, see if I can throw away stuff I don't use.

I think I should finish sorting all the papers I have to sort. 

I cover the sofas and put on them all the bags of papers to sort.

22:48 update

It’s the end of the day

I’m going to sleep soon

Tomorrow is another week

I had a meeting

That made me hungry

I ate my orange, dry fig and pistachio

Then ordered fries

I ate them

With mayo, ketchup, and another mayo I guess

Then had food in the synagogue

Instead of going to the gym.

I finish tomorrow at 14:25 or 15:05

What can I take beside fruit and nuts and dried fruit?

Gluten free bread

And what can I spread on it? 

I ran out of tofu

Tomorrow I should go to the gym

But I think I should go home first

So if I’m napping after work

My evening is gym? What about updating my journey? Writing inspiring posts? Reading books and using the helping tools?

Well, I can go to gym

And return home to do them

I need to wash my dishes

I need a plan for the holiday that is starting on Monday

790/30295

Fri, Mar 24, 23

 weight:

circumference:

exercising:

food:

clementine, coffee v milk, cig, 2 Chinese oranges

15:35 update

Walk, 2 chocolate cakes, coffee v milk

Coconut water, cig

287/30295

9:46 10 min update/ health coaching

I'm relaxed

easy work at work. 

there's dinner tonight, a vegetarian, I shouldn't stuff myself. 

my stomach is limited in its volume.

next week I have only 2 workdays and then I'm free for 2.5 weeks (except one day at work).

I decided ( wow, I don't use this word enough) (have I decided? haha) that I'm not flying during this holiday. 

instead, I will work on my food preparation, my health, my fitness routine, the messages I spread, maybe me as a health coach.

at the moment, my belly is not loose

maybe I have a lot of mucoid plaque stuck to my guts walls.

haven't started to use the vegan protein powder I bought.

I'm interested in learning a Master's degree in  education for an active and healthy lifestyle at Wingate institution 

Thu, mar 23,23

 Thu mar 23 blog

Weight: 97.9

Circumference:

Exercising:

Food: 

Clementine, coffee v milk, cig

10:22 4 clementines

286/30295

Wed, mar 22,23

 Wed mar 22blog

18:43 I'm at the gym

It's my day off

Food:

2 clementines, 2 slices of gluten free bread avo tahini lemon tofu cucumber red pepper

1 slice gf bread today jam no sugar, tofu

Coffee v milk cig

Clementine, big pastry coffee v milk cig

Vegetables picking tastes:

Lettuce, spinach, mellow, beet leaves, and more, chienese orange

Cheese sandwich, beet apple juice, bite of cheese, 

The food details is less important than the thought, feeling, thinking patterns, emotions, decision making etc around it.

I’ll do my best but without suiciding to finish 1 hour work out 

I have 2 bags of veggies we picked today, organic

I got a vegan protein powder, 15 ratios

Eating today fresh greens immediately after picking them, smelling their scents, ( the celery) , reminded me them, what's so good at consuming them daily 

I should dedicate /allocate/  time to food prep, food preparation, before work, after work, that's part of a healthy lifestyle

Tomorrow, it's my hardest day at work, I'll prepare food. Not only fruit, and nuts

I should bring cooked food, sauces, sandwiches.

I should make a list again, and every x days of what foods I have at home. 

285/30295

Wednesday, March 22, 2023

weight:

exercising: 

food: 

update: 

278/30295

Tue, mar 21,23

 2 clementines, coffee cig

clementines, dried figs, pistachios

20 min gym, 

shopping

cucumber, red bell pepper, 2 potato burekas, tahini lemon, gluten-free bread avocado tofu, quinoa lentils onion chili sauce, chocolate pastry, cream pastry, coffee v milk cig.

30 min walk, 1 km run

update: 20:33

I rested a little

my belly is working. It's not loose. 

I had a zoom with a vegan coach. I listen to his program, and since I don't have extra money, I won't go for it. 

I finally ran, took a walk, 

tomorrow I'm meeting a friend to pick vegetables and take them home. That's lovely. he said he'll give me what he'll pick as well.

This friend bought me vegan protein power from the U.S., a product of vivo life or sun warrior.

and next time, he will buy the other. 

I meditated today 

tomorrow morning, I think I'll work out at the gym in Florentin. I'll be there anyway because I take the motorcycle to get it fixed.

777/30295

Mon, Mar 20, 23

 weight:

food + exercises:

1 small chocolate pastry espresso v milk cig

clementine

2 clementines, v yogurt granola.

I had more clementines but I was hungry for more

I bought a sandwich with an omelet and hummus

And potato balls

Then in a meeting: 4 cakes: poppy seed, sponge, and 2 cheese

776/30295

Sunday mar 19,23

 Weight:

Food-+ exercising:

Cucumber

Green tea

Potato burekas, chocolate pastry, espresso v milk cig

2 clementines

5 clementines

falafel, coffee  v milk, cig. 

date, clementine, date

Bite of sushi

Zero coke cig.

773/30295

10 min update

here it how it went:

I finished work at work

I encountered THE VOID 

then I encountered depression and sadness from thinking of the void, of being alone at home

(which doesn't make sense. I like being home, spending my time, doing the helping tools)

instead, my mind started to think of other ways to fill the void

I chatted with a friend

who lives near the workplace 

(but far from my home)

he said he's free too

(he lied, I have his house key)

so, I rode to a falafel (which means pita, and fried food)

ate it

and then, had espresso with v milk and cig

the success story was that I didn't add a pastry

and there was a gift for You in the meeting I had  at work, where cakes were served and I prepared this potential gift not to touch them

a colleague even offered me a piece of cake on a plate and I said 'no' twice.

but, after the the coffee, and even when I was on my way to my friend

I started to feel the drawbacks of this choice.

after the coffee and cig, I felt horrible. the bitterness of the coffee and the death of the cigarette.

I'm in his house now. I'll work, because this is what I want to do here, finish my workplace work.

later

I'll ride home

there are no plans for today

except for yoga at home, a run in the neighborhood, a walk, bodyweight exercises and using the tools

oh yea, I have homework as well in a supplementary course. 

774/30295

23:19 update

It's the end of day

I didn't exercise

Tomorrow I finish  work at 14:25 and at 20:30 there's an evening for the workers including food and karaoke

I should not overeat.

Now I'm going to sleep with a pretty empty belly.

I guess I have lots of mucoid plaque in the walls of my gut.

I didn't eat my quinoa today, tofu, wakame, I didn't cook, make a salad

It's late. Too late for writing. Gn

I'm tired but not so happy

Maybe this is how it is

In sadness you shall do to sleep

Or

Men cry at nights

775/30295

19-25 March exercising

 Sun

Mon

Tue

20 min gym, 30 min walk, 1 km run

Wed

Thu

Fri

walk

Sat

772/30195

Sat, mar 18, 23

 23:34 update

I asked a friend to buy me vegan protein powder of Vivo life and sun warrior

I made a salad tonight after 1 hour gym

I worked out with jeans

I pushed myself to the hardest weights

I want to buy 1 kg tofu from this shop in Florentin neighborhood

Tomorrow is a new week

I’ll open a post for the new week exercising.

I gave kudos ( likes) to a friend’s runs on Strava. There were many runs. 

I chatted with Julian litbeck. We scheduled a talk for Tuesday about the option of him coaching me.

In the chat he’s the one who advices me to work harder in the gym. And intake more protein.

I felt something wrong in my ass, and knew leaves will solve it. So I made this salad that contained lettuce wakame, Brazil nuts, flax, lemon, maple syrup, tofu, alfalfa sprouts and more

It was tasty.

A friend visited, I wanted to give him a tomato I grew. He didn’t want.

Yesterday I rode to Jaffa and back. I also walked. 

On Wednesday I walked too. 

I thought maybe I should have a chart with 

a column: things I did for my healing

A column: things I did that hurt my healing ( and to give that side space)

And neutral things I did.

I have a note on my phone, of people to follow. I sorted them to:

Vegan fitness muscle

Raw food

Vegan

And this is how I can follow more of the first group, listen  read and watch more of them.

I started to watch the reply of yesterday raw food heroes livestream

I’ll continue tomorrow.

I finished with my obligation this morning.

I meditated today for 45 minutes.

It’s time to sleep. Gn 

771/30295

Friday, March 17, 2023

 10 minutes update, 13:27

I'm home. The work week ended. I have work from work to do at home in my free time. I'll dedicate it time during the weekend.

it's 13:28 and I'm FREEEEEEEE till Sunday. 

I plan to go to Kabbalat Shabbat today at 5. and I plan to ride the bike there.

and tomorrow I am obligated to go the synagogue and read something for which I'll get prepared a little today. that's it. the rest of the time is free. I plan also to go to the protest tomorrow night.

and next week is the last whole week before Passover long 2 and a half weeks holiday, so, I'm kind of feel free. which is great.

At my home, and close to home, I filled the void with pita hummus, and then, 2 small chocolate pastries, espresso with almond milk, and cig ( I also put on Tefillin with the help of Chabad volunteers)

and still, arrived home early and have this free time. I'm drugged but this is void. I'm in the void. I'm home alone and have space at this apartment. my cat is dead. 

ok

I have a paper with 2 columns

the main title is filling the void

one column is "healing" where I'm gonna mention this update making for example, and the other column is "neutral" where I can update work and preparation for the reading in the synagogue tomorrow for example.

but, I had another idea

"I want once to get to the feeling of loose belly

this is the first destination

the second is to be hungry or need food, choose healthy food to eat and eat from it just enough not to feel full.

to do that, I need another paper I guess

(by the way, yesterday's birthday party was a disaster in the way and the amount I ate)

or, maybe I'll add another column so that for each thing I do, I'll update the condition of the belly. 

it's done. 

now, the next thing (neutral or for healing) I'm doing to fill the void.

768/30295

Thursday, March 16, 23

 weight:

food + exercising:

apple coffee v milk cig 

a fall: a sandwich with egg salad, half chocolate pastry, coffee v milk. 

pistachios.

764/30295

10 minutes writing exercise: what thoughts should I think to live a healthy life?

I should focus on what I should do more than what I should avoid.

I can give a run as a gift to You.

maybe today, after work, before lunch. but I doubt if it's a good time because I finish working late and I'll probably be tired. Anyway, I might be alert for that. 

the apple feels good in my GI tract. Gastrointestinal tract. it's kind of helping my body to eat the extra fat. I feel how the extra fat is pumped inside, leaving a low-fat belly over the abs muscles.

and the lines of the six-pack abs are starting to be seen.

this feeling encourages me to keep going and stick to my healthy lifestyle. once I feel a loose belly, I should sustain this feeling and maintain it. 

it makes me think of eating celery, carrot sticks, red pepper sticks, cucumbers, 

small portions

breathing and letting all the emotions space to be. to come, be, and pass.

10 minutes  writing exercise:

since I'm willing to do 10 minutes tasks more than 30 minutes tasks, maybe I should make the 30 minutes tasks -10 minutes to attract me to do them.

I can always lengthen the time I do them, I can write 10+ minutes.

I've just had a free time. more than 1 hour. 

I could eat something out

instead, I fill my time with the helping tools.

after the next lesson, I have another free hour ( 11-11:45) it's 45 minutes actually. 

great I have things to do. besides these 3 writing exercises I said to do today, I can read. I read about 26 books in parallel, simultaneously. 

I can journal

I have more things to read than write.

what freedom I have now! really, if I acted as if I had acted lately, I would buy something to eat now

but instead, I'm sitting and filling my time with the helping tools.

I'm not really hungry

I just encounter void

and the thoughts are coming to my mind

about eating now

765/30295

10 minutes writing exercise

they way I should think

ok, I had a fall, I'm still having the coffee

and I are non vegan food

I've got an excuse

I called a hotel owner to book 2 rooms

and he wasn't nice.

and I still wanted the rooms

it was the excuse I adopted

let's rephrase it

I felt an unpleasant feeling due to this phone call

and the price jumped

then, my mind, that side I want to peel, said: compensate yourself, you have an excuse, before it's too late

and I listened to it.

the sandwich is inside me, the half pastry is inside me

I'm still having the coffee but it's over

what can I do now? I can just learn from it

filling my time with the void

what do I do if I let the side think and visualize the next fall?

if I let it think and visualize, it becomes strong, stronger than me.

could I do something to prevent it? and if yes, what?

what could I do?

I really don't know, I could stop myself

but I was in a rush

I think the best time to stop me was a moment before the moment I decided to get up from my seat towards the cafeteria.

the moment I decided to go for it was the moment I should have decided not to go for it.

I meditated today

for 10 minutes.

I should meditate for a longer time.

the book recommends 45 minutes every day,

766/30295

10 minutes update, 13:50

at the moment, my belly is full.

I drink water

the apples and bananas I have are not appealing. I guess I'm also not hungry.

I have 2 hours at work that became free, and I'm going to fill them with the helping tools

after that, I have 35 minutes of work, and then, it's either to go home, rest, eat my food, and exercise or to ride to Ramat Gan to work on my computer and do other helping tools

and probably eat something out and smoke, not to rest

at evening I have there the birthday party where there will be food.

I read a little the book Yoga

I read a little "e-mails" that I got as being part of an e-mail list of people who might inspire me.

so, it's not 2 hours now till the next work, but 1:08 hours. 

I can read books

work on my obligation on Saturday

watch YouTube

read articles about health

767/30295

Wed, Mar 15, 23

 weight:

food:

chocolate croissant coffee v milk cig

pita hummus egg

half banana coffee v milk cig

I cooked quinoa + lentils + red onion

I cut tofu, tomato

and added the dish + veggies + tofu + lemon, tahini, ground flax seeds, maple syrup, soy sauce, alfalfa sprouts

dried fig

coffee v milk cig.

19:23 update

I think, I need to be more active. besides 1 hour gym today, I walked, 

there was no BM (bowel movement)

I worked while standing in front the laptop

I tidied up, that was being active 

I think I need 5 pictures of my healthy meals a day: salad, fruit, pistachio. carrot sticks, coconut water, orange juice etc.

and 5 writing exercises and self-health coaching updates.

tomorrow, I finish work at 15:40 and at 19:45 I need to be in Ramat Gan. I'll see what to do. to go straight from work there or to stop at home.

anyway, it's a birthday party with food.

I bring 2 natural juices. (and ice cubes)

I'm more relaxed now about my obligation on Saturday which I had to get prepared for many hours.

so, I can dedicate time to my healing.

On Friday, I'll have work from work to do in my free time. 

alright. 

756/30295

writing exercise: How should I think today and tomorrow to lead a healthy lifestyle?

what if I wake up tomorrow, eat an apple for a bowel movement, or hot water with lemon, and go straight to work without that bad habit I had in the past of smoking and drinking coffee?

What if I drink green tea tomorrow morning with vegan milk?

what if, after tomorrow's long day at work ( my Thursdays), I'm coming home, eat my cooked food, make a salad, drink coconut water or herbal tea, and take a rest, without smoking and coffee as I used to back in the past?

what if I'm going tomorrow to that party and eat a little bit, leaving a space in my stomach to feeling, staying alert, talk, etc.?

what if I go for a run tomorrow morning? or tomorrow after work? or on Friday morning or noon?

What if I practice yoga tomorrow?

can I take 5 pictures tomorrow? of my healthy meals? can I do 5 writing exercises and self-health coaching updates?

Can I meditate tomorrow?

Can I come to work clean? what will I feel? maybe I won't think about it while working? maybe I'll thank myself for not being stinking among my colleagues?

how will I feel if I'll skip coffee and cig after work and get to bed and tell myself, that I don't need it, neither after sleeping nor before bedtime at night?

I need more of these writing exercises. 

writing exercise

what's my story? what is my story?

what do I need to quit smoking? why do I smoke? if I'm so into a healthy lifestyle, why do I smoke? if I understand why should I be vegan, why do I consume animal products?

why do I have a self-destructive inclination? why do I listen to it? why do I give it control?

what will make me change my bad habits?

what will make me eat healthy, let the body clean itself and lose fat?

why didn't I keep my weight when it was 74 kilograms? why, although I dedicated so much effort, instead of at least keeping my weight, I became weighing 98 kilograms today?

how can I solve my riddle? how can I awake from my loop/ cloud/ fog?

what should I do to start eating cleaner or to listen more to my body and let it lose fat?

what?

maybe I need more time for myself alone at home 

without scheduling meetings with friends

maybe I need to be free of obligations except for work

I need more time to clean, tidy up, make food, prepare food, cook, make salads, 

learn, read, exercise, run, go to the gym

alright

good night.

763/30295

757/30295

Tuesday, March 14, 2023

 weight:

food:

coffee v milk cig

apple

hummus pita onion

potato burekas, 2 chocolate pastries, coffee soy milk cig

pita hummus tomato lettuce onion , dried fig

755/30295

17:54

it's Tuesday. tomorrow is an off day. I need to have a blood test for my thyroid.

besides that, I have this thing on Saturday to which I need to dedicate my time to practicing and getting ready. 

at the moment, my belly is full

I need to wash the dishes

maybe throw some foods

I can throw the trash ( feed the cats)

fast, since my belly is full

and move ( working while standing, taking a walk, going for a run, doing yoga and/ or bodyweight exercises at home)

I was thinking of going outside when it's raining, without an umbrella.

I think yesterday, I used a paper, don't remember where, ok, during work, and I did a writing tool that I find effective. so, I shall do it now.

what mindset ( automatic thoughts) should I have to lead a healthy lifestyle?

I can also rephrase it to: 

How should I think/ What should be the way I think/ What thought should I have/ run 

to lead a healthy lifestyle?

by the way, 

today, at the end of the fall ( the second one) -

my belly is aching

- I thought: this is not me. I want to peel the self-destructive side of me, the self-destruction offers voice, the side of me that listens and manifests the self-destructive suggestions. 

and I try to do it by meditating and/or writing down the voice of self-destructive suggestions under this title. 

so, if I have a thought/ voice/ bad suggestion in my mind, for example: let's have coffee and smoke.

I should write it down under bad suggestions

and that's it. I continue with my straight path. 

what if I am pulled to manifest that suggestion?

at least I can write down, under the title self-destructive suggestion, or better than that, under the title the voice of the self-destructive side.

and that action might help me separate from this side. Amen.

March 12-18 Exercising

plan: 

3-6 runs, 3-6 yoga, 3-6 walks, 3-6 bodyweight exercises,  3-6 bike riding, 3-6 gym

Sun

Mon

Tue

Wed

1 hour gym, walks

Thu

Fri

Bike rides, walk

Sat

1 hour gym

754/30295

Sunday, March 12, 2023

 weight:

food and exercising:

big chocolate croissant, coffee v milk. cig

2 clementines

pasta, tomato sauce. 

753/30295

13:10 update:

it's 13:10, and most of my work at work is done. I have clothes for the gym to finish right after work. let's try to do it and finish with that. 

I'll tidy up, wash the dishes, water the plants, change the sheets, and do laundry - they are all part of a healthy lifestyle.

I might take a walk, run, do yoga, ride my bike, etc.

I'll eat my cooked food, make a salad

I can finish listening to the Raw Food Heroes Livestream from Friday. I can do it while tidying up.

Here, at work, I have apples, bananas, clementines, oranges, a knife, and water.

There's going to be a meeting in less than 30 minutes.

Usually, there are refreshments during this kind of meeting. but they are unhealthy. 

so, it's a chance for me to sacrifice the convenience of sticking to old habits.

As the matter of fact, lately, my bad habits have become worse.

I'm so relieved. there's no pressure/stress at work today. just a private obligation.

Friday, March 10, 2023

 weight:

food:

potato burekas, mushroom burekas, chocolate pastry, coffee v milk, cig

clementine.

a bun with omelete and hummus

pita with hummus and a boiled egg.

green tea, cig.

751/30295

10 minutes update:

9:05-9:15

I finish work at 11:45. it's a short day. 

I can run today, 

I can practice yoga today

I can take a walk today

I can ride the bike today

I can do bodyweight exercises

I can eat fruit meals 2 and 3

I was in the gym yesterday, but I can go to the gym right after work

I can meditate today

(I have (3) works to do at home too, I'm meeting with friends and might go to the synagogue)

writing exercise:

What can help me when thought about eating something that is unhealthy or when I'm not hungry triggers me?

I can count 10 deep breaths

I can take a 10 minutes walk

I can do 30 push-ups

not just taking a walk but a framed walk, time-limited walk, a walk which has a beginning and an end.

I can sing a song, record a song on Smule

pray

read for 30 minutes or 10 minutes

meditate 20 minutes

run 1 km

do 30 squats

watch YouTube 30 minutes

10 min update/health coaching

the situation is very bad

how can I change it?

I'm home now. that's a good start. I have time till 16:30 (if I'm going to Kabbalat Shabbat at 17:00)

I can ride the bike there or the motor cycle

at 8:00 p.m. 2 friends are coming, that can be a challenge

anyway

now, I have 3:30 hours of healing

I might take a nap too

although I'm not going to take it now, 'cause I want to work at home, not healing work.

anyway, I'm home today and tomorrow

and next week which is in 1.5 days, is far enough. 

except work ( teamim, tests), I can work on my healing.

I'm kind of sorry I asked about Kabbalat Shabbat because it makes me obligated in a way to go there

otherwise, I could be free till 8, which is 7 hours 

I'll see

meditations can help

facebook groups

learning about Prana and Yemima Method

I'm adding them now to the helping tools.

part of my free time today must be napping and tidying up for the visit of my friends.

next week is next week. I shouldn't think of that now.

but I have ( gita on monday, torah reading on Sat, pedagogical meetings, another test to check on Fri, on Tuesday I run a zoom, 

I did it. I went through all the plans till June 20. 

16:00

I napped

My belly contains too much

I’m

Going to stand now if I work

And plan to take the bike and ride it to event.

Getting inspired! Rather than writing

I need that

752/30295

Tue March 7

 Tue blog

I woke up early

Thinking of walking to the gym and ticking 2 v for a walk and gym

9:17 BM

I plan coffee cig a chocolate cookie and a small pastry then 1 hour gym then buying apples and other fruit and veggies

Again worse reality 

2 potato burekas, 2 chocolate pastries, coffee v milk cig

Later gym and buying fresh produce

Now gym 1 hour drugged by cig

It will take time till I get back home

11:25 finished 1 hour gym, almost finished shopping. Forgot some items

13:07

Quinoa lentils tomato sauce dish, wakame raisins, soy sauce, and tofu.

It was tasty.

16:37 after nap and meditation, date and 2 Brazil nuts, and strawberries.

Need for movement. Going to sweep the floor and the stairs and wash the dishes.

22:21 pasta with cheese

V malabi, coffee v milk,

Lemon water, cig

749/30295

Wed mar 8

 Wed blog

Clementine

Chocolate croissant coffee v milk cig

Clementine

**

Potato burekas  strawberry

Healthy snack strawberry

Bite of snack

Falafel

Juice

Coffee v milk cig

quinoa lentils, tomato sauce, green bell pepper, potato tomato sauce 

cig, green tea, v milk

**

This morning, I had to travel north. It became a habit that before boarding the train, I drink coffee, eat a chocolate croissant, and smoke. Let me share right now, that I did it again, this morning.

And unfortunately, I wore not my best clothes.

How can I continue from here?

This is a new thing for me to share my falls. In the past, I was extremely ashamed about it. And for sure, I’m not proud of it now. Before I had that coffee and croissant and cigarette, I thought, what would happen if I won’t do it? The answer that came was, or even the feeling that arose, was depression. Maybe because coffee, chocolate, and cigarettes increase dopamine levels, and since I’m addicted to these substances, I need to have them to stay happy. Or maybe I felt depressed thinking of not having those since I treat having them as a treat, a prize, a reward, a self-love action.

Maybe I think and believe not having them will deprive me of good things I’m used to and deserve to.

What is the point of writing about it afterward? This day has just started. And it’s the first time I share falls. At the moment, I’m not sure I’ll post this. But anyway, it’s only 9 a.m. more temptations will come today, more thoughts, automatic thoughts, triggers, and unhealthy suggestions.

I’m going to meet my family, and they want to eat out. The last time we did it, I had Lafa bread with hummus and salad. Not so bad except the Lafa. And today, I can take a pita instead of Lafa or a salad on a plate or box.

After meeting my family, last time, I had coffee and cig, maybe a small chocolate pastry as well.

I have an opportunity to change that today. 

748/30295

Thursday March 9

 Thursday 

Water with squeezed lemon

(big) chocolate croissant

Coffee v milk cig

2 Clementines 7:55

Pasta tomato sauce, sandwich with Bulgarian cheese and pesto

2 chocolate cookies

2 potato burekases 

Coffee milk sugar cig

1 hour gym

Falafel 

chocolate cookie

clementine, herbal tea, cig

747/30295

10 min update, 19:47

so, today is a bad day from the aspect of food

I have food, clementines, avocado, carrot, red peppers

and still, buy food out, 

I don't know what to do

on the way from the gym home (where I am staying for this weekend), I knew I'm not hungry, 

otherwise, I would want to have the carrots, avocados, etc.

but still, stopped and bought falafel

this is crazy

maybe I need to meditate

maybe the reason, mm two reasons come up to my mind

1. I listen to a lecture about Prana 9 months process with Tal Gilboa, who is so vibrant and vivid

so, maybe I or my ego/ identity are afraid of losing itself by walking that path

2. I'm talking again with a partner which maybe adds stress to mylife

3. the ususal stress, difiicult day at work, then moved to a friend's house for the weekend, so this change, plus all kind of tasks at work

that will last till the end of next week at least

I'm a teacher, so, I'm talking about tests to check etc.

and now I got more work for tomorrow.. it doesn't end

I don't have enough free time 

last words before I continue to the next task:

I need to relax.

or maybe time to learn about health

next time I think of a cookie, I can eat an apple of mine. 

750/30295

mon mar 6, 23

 Fast 4:50-18:00

I broke it at 11:20 with

Big chocolate croissant ,canned  coffee oat milk, cig

No water till 13:13.

17:02

I drank water

and after the funeral I felt weak and wanted to eat

I ate falafel

and then pita with hummus and salad

but at the first bite I understood I had enough

then, I had 4 Purim cookies coffee v milk cig. 

Another bog fall

Flavor pizza Snack

Peanuts snack

Chocolate bar

Big potato burekas

Pickles, olives

Orange juice cig

Egg

Spicy sauce, tahini, tomato sauce

735/30295

23:50

I'm after the fall

Tomorrow is another day

I need to.biy fruit

To throw the salad from yeaterday

To use cash

To make a new salad tomorrow

To put the clean dishes in their place

To wash the dishes 

To eat the cooked food that I cooked on Sunday and is available till Wednesday

To run

To practice yoga

To go to the gym

To walk

To ride the bike

To do bodyweight exercises at home

To read

To fill my duties ( homework in 2 courses)

To take it easy

To count the good deeds

Not to concentrate on the falls

To weigh my body

To meditate

To fast till I need food, meaning I'm hungry

To pray, journal, do writing exercises, 

To breathe

I opened a Facebook group today

I posted a post on my page where there are followers and shared I have 24 kg to lose

I shared that I cope with emotional eatimg

Isn't that humble enough

I wrote a post that WE deserve self care

And now I fell

Wasn't my post humble enough? J didn't say I gave it and I can help you

I said we are in the same boat

I need that motivation too

And still fell

I started to walk on Your path G-d

Should I reframe my words?

If I write “with Your help”, will it be enough?

What do I need to do to not fall?

I’m stuck and I have a lot to learn

May You help me walk the way to help myself and help other people on this journey. Amen.

741/30295

a fall analysis

 I finished the event in the synagogue

where there was sushi, and I ate and ate, it was a behavior I'm not proud of

few people who trying to get more, and I'm one of them.

the event ended

and I know I'll had a cig eventually

but I was in Tel Aviv 

(it's amazing to write about it now that I'm in my warm cozy home) and there, i was thinking about home that it is depressing, or that the way is depressing or that Bat Yam is depressing comparing to Tel Aviv which is a celebration city

I bought a coffee, 

there was coconut water but I chose the coffee

which was not vegan

I sat there, drank and smoked

talked to myself

I sat alone

and when it ended I felt so stupid

so low

what was missing me?

what tools could I use in that situation to avoid it?

it's hard for me to think about it right now

but I own it to myself

what was missing me? why did I do it?

maybe the switch from company to being by myself is difficult to me

maybe it is depressing to lose the group/ tribe/ family? feeling and to stay alone

ride all the way to Bat Yam, to be alone at home

I'm not alone

You are with me

and the plants

and even my cat's spirit is here since it's less than 30 days after her death

what could I do differently?

what could really help me?

I could ride straight home

to celebrate in Tel Aviv... could I celebrate in Tel Aviv differently?

I should write about my fall right when they happen.

734/30295

5-11 of March Exercising

weekly plan: 3 walks, 3 runs, 3 gym workouts, 3  bodyweight exercising, 3 yoga, 3 bike rides.

Sun Mar 5

Mon Mar 6

Tue Mar 7

1 hour gym

Wed Mar 8

Thu Mar 9

1 hour gym

Fri Mar 10

Sat Mar 11

529/30295

Sunday, March 5, 2023

 weight: 96.9

exercising:

food:

shake bananas cilantro lettuce, green tea v milk, cig

2 bananas

vegan dishes, a chocolate cookie, chocolate pastry, some coffee v milk, cig

I made a salad for later

I'm cooking quinoa and red lentils, potatoes, and baking sweet potato.

16:29 salad with tofu wakame ground flax seed lettuce...

728/30295

15:44

I'm on a holiday. till Thursday. 

I'm planning to go to the gym today. 

what happened at noon was a fall. now I'm cooking. I updated the shopping list and added: lemon, Brita filter, tomatoes, 

I want cucumbers, red bell peppers, and carrots too. 

there's a social event in Tel Aviv tonight, I can go there and to a gym before in Tel Aviv

or, I'll finish cooking and ride the gym here in Bat Yam. and finish with that task. 

10 minutes motivational speech to myself

 10 minutes motivational speech to myself

it’s time to meet sadness, and cope with it differently

it is time to meet depression, and cope with it differently

it is time to meet boredom, and cope with it differently

it is time to meet loneliness, and cope with it differently.

I have a task. to lose 1 kilogram a week. tomorrow I’m supposed to weigh 97.0 kilograms. on Sunday, March 12, I'm supposed to weigh 96.o kilogram.

I ran today. Very good!

I practiced yoga today. Awesome!

I rode the bike today. Excellent!

tomorrow is a new week. let’s have more precise fitness regime plan.

3 runs, 3 walks, 3 bike rides, 3 yoga, 3 gym, 3 body weight exercising.

I weigh myself every morning.

I have a shake in the fridge.

I have a ripe avocado.

I must avoid as much as I can – eating out.

I know, I meet the void and want to fill it with that pleasure, but that pleasure ruins my everything.

I haven’t smoked for 2 months and a half. I worked 1 month without smoking.

can we get back to it? can we get used to it?

it’s something that I must do, must CHANGE.

now that the cat is gone, (may she rest in peace, I’ll always love her) and I’m home alone,

I have space to change, to meet myself, to meet everything buried that float, that emerge from within.

my healing is the most important thing. getting healed will help me to help others.

727/30295

Saturday, March 4, 2023

 weight: 92.2

exercising: 11 min run, walk, 2 bike rides, 19 min yoga.

food:

orange juice X2

bananas cilantro lettuce smoothie X 2

synagogue food: pepper, potato beans mushrooms dish X2, olives, small chocolate pasty, cake slices, potato pie few slices, cherry tomatoes, carrot sticks ,

coffee v milk cig 

smoking

pistachio, date, 2 brazil nuts, green tea v milk, cig

19:30

there's some pressure in my belly now

after more of the smoothie.

I'm spending time at home

I ran today, rode the bike and practiced yoga

tomorrow is a new week

I'm supposed to weigh 97.0 kg tomorrow according to my plan

I listened this morning to Raw Food Heroes recording from Friday

I registered a banner about Prana next Wednesday

my friend registered for a program to lose belly fat, and he gave some friends me included an access

I should listen to it

726/30295

Fri, Mar 3, 23

weight: 97.2

food + exercising:

tomato, coffee v milk cig

2 pita hummus onion

date, 2 brazil nuts, coffee v milk cig

3 coconut water glasses

V sandwich green.tea cig

Coconut water cig

724/30295

10 min update/ health coaching, 17:44

after work, I headed to the gym, but didn't eat nothing

I chose not to eat bananas and lettuce I had

and when I arrived the area of the gym, my brain/ mind/ current state of mind convinced me to try a new hummus

after it, I didn't work out

I'm a little bit sick

I have a runny nose and some mucus

I use small T-shirts to blow my nose.

I sin in eating out and not eating at home

maybe, I spend more time at home lately, which is good

I know I can go for a run from home or practice yoga and power bodyweight exercises at home.

but "I" still look for eating out.

I do have food

I need to make it

idea: try again taking pictures of the food I make and eat and consider them part of 30295 project

idea: try again, making a list of the foods you have at home

a bellyache. my current state of mind says:

1. I shouldn't drink the rest of the coconut water

2. immediate response in my mind: drink it quickly (logic: I don't want to waste it, and if concentrate on the ache, I will waste it, or there is already a bad situation ( the ache) so, finish it quickly because later it will be even more obvious that drinking is wrong. 

I still experience an attraction to drink it

my belly is full

and I'm tired

it's full and I feel stress

i don't want to waste the drink

I chose to have a third glass because I spit and my nose is running, so I guessed I should consume more fluid to support my body

finished the glass.

18:23 kind of belly ache, I should exercise much more.

725/30295