Tuesday
I'm right after a fall
came from school
I don't have cooked food
I ate outside : baguette with falafel. wheat, dough, and fried food...
then chocolate pastry coffee and cig
Now I'm exhausted. I wasn't after work and before this eating.
what can I do to change it?
tomorrow is a long day. I have work and then outside work so I finish at 17:30. it's a longer day than today.
so
and then I have 2:30 hours window before a course I'm taking.
so
and usually after the outside work which is a bus ride distance from my home, I eat outside
so
it's a challenge tomorrow.
I can cook tonight for tomorrow
I need to throw the leftover cooked food I have that was expired yesterday.
Can I make it tomorrow?
I can avoid falling tomorrow?
and between now and tomorrow after work I usually have before going to bed cigarette and tomorrow morning's cigarette.
I 'm talking about 3 potential falls ahead. Can I avoid these 3 falls somehow?
wow,
it's nice that I'm writing about it now.
but it is quite a challenge. 3 challenges.
how can I avoid them?
maybe I should address each one of them separately.
What can I do to avoid tonight's cigarette?
Is there something I can do to avoid it?
to go straight to bed
to read a book in bed
to watch lives on Instagram, YouTube, to surf on Facebook
so many things I can do until I fall asleep
and tomorrow morning
I wake up
I have a ride at 7:30
can I engage myself in the morning without feeding the sick addicted side of me?
and tomorrow after the outside work, can I come home straight? and cook at home?
205/30295
what can I do to avoid tonight's cigarette?
what will happen if I will avoid it?
I'll meet some emotions
I'll meet my feeling
I'll meet my voidness
buried stuff will come up and float.
I can write about them.
I can start a new page: I'm avoiding tonight's cig, tomorrow morning coffee and cig and tomorrow after the private lessons outside food and coffee and cig.
it can be interesting to think about the future, a different future.
no cigarette tonight
no coffee and cigarette before school
no outside food, coffee, pastries and cig after outside work.
this is crazy. it's a challenge
may I fail?
Do I want to succeed? to change?
Or do I want to fall and try not fall, to fall, and try not to fall
do I really want not to fall?
I do, because I get fat, I damage my health, my energy is low
and being fit and energized should be more worthy than to eat sometimes junk food. isn't it?
I don't want to fight
but I'll try
the new thing here is to not to log what happened but to look at the future, to aim something.
I can try. I'm afraid to fail.
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