the addiction
social conditioning - which means, I see other people smoking
maybe sometimes I tell myself it's horrible but maybe on the other hand I mimic them later
habit, the power of habit, inertia
it excite my system, it's drugs me,
my believes, my thoughts, my thinking, things I think about coffee and cigarettes, thoughts I don't say aloud or thoughts that exist in my subconscious
I guess they are strategies to fulfill some needs of mine
like to think that I'm belong to something
to numb myself and not to feel
to hide from life
to create a "wall" between me and other people
I'm thinking about my needs when I choose to smoke and drink coffee
another social conditioning: "it's morning, it's time for a coffee"
I just remind myself that "smoking payment" is not only a writing exercise but also learning about the materials, the disadvantages, the damages
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