21:21 10 minutes update.
last fall analysis
what?
herbal tea, v milk, cig
why?
I gave up on eating and needed compensation
so I thought it would be a cig
I've decided before every fall to turn to You, G-d, and ask for help
so, before this fall, I asked for general help with quitting smoking.
now after the cig, I have a headache and I feel a little not well.
ideal behavior
without the cig
one more step toward health that I could take:
to roll a thin cig
to decide how many puffs in advance. for example 4.
things I can do to prevent a similar fall in the future:
1. pray harder to You
2. avoid smoking tomorrow morning before the hike.
earlier fall
what?
after I got off the service taxi to the central bus station, I bought espresso and drank with a cig
why?
before the ride, I smoked but had to cut because I thought the taxi is departing
I needed a compensation
plus, i wanted to punish myself/ I wanted to express resistance to the reality in life or the place ( CBS)
ideal behavior:
skipping coffee and cig and walking straight to the bus stop
asking for help from You
acknowledging the urge to self-destruction, the evil inclination suggestion to have a coffee and cig, and making a decision not to fulfill its vision.
one step toward health:
praying to You for help
things I can do to prevent repeating such a fall:
before every fall to pray to You and ask for help
when there's an urge to fall/ the evil inclination becomes alive to acknowledge its existence
and decide not to fulfill its will.
earlier fall analysis:
what?
just before the ride from Haifa to Tel Aviv
I bought a coffee, drank and smoked, till I had to enter the cab
why?
I finished my time with my parents
it was overwhelming
I needed to numb my feeling
(wow, I actually put it into words) ( Blessed are You)
ideal behavior:
breathing
going straight into the cab
one step toward health:
buying a coffee without milk.
things I can do to prevent such a fall:
breathe
acknowledge the evil inclination is talking/ self-destructive side is suggesting a bad thing to do
praying to You
asking for help
asking to not listen to these voices.
earlier fall
what?
morning
I had a coffee with milk sugar and cig, dairy chocolate on Matzah bread, 1 cookie kosher for Passover
why?
habit
I got overwhelmed by being with O and her daughter
I had to numb myself
ideal behavior
eating the clementine only
one step toward health
avoiding milk
things I can do to prevent such a fall:
praying to You after acknowledging the disease/ evil inclination/ self-destructive side it talking and suggesting I do a bad thing
becoming aware that I'm overwhelmed
breathe
calming myself down.
earlier fall
what?
Wednesday night
I'm back after the Seder
I drink zero Coke and smoke
why
I'm overwhelmed by spending time with my family and staying with O and her daughter
ideal behavior
skip it
one step toward health:
deciding in advance of the number of puffs I'll take, for example, 4, and do it.
things I can do to prevent such a fall:
breathe
talk to You
well, this fall was planned in my mind earlier, but not at that moment
it was born earlier
maybe when I was in the Seder
what could I do the moment this suggestion was born?
immediately asking for help from You
the same for each time the thought popped up
and when my parents dropped me
I could ask again for help
I could decide the number of puffs in advance.
earlier fall
what?
in the seder
I was full but put another portion of food on my plate and ate it.
why?
it was tasty
I thought I'll never have a chance to eat this food again
ideal behavior
when feeling I'm full enough, I should have declared I'm done (by putting a used napkin on the plate)
and stop the eating phase.
one step toward health:
pray to You and ask You to take this suggestion of eating more from me
Things I can do to prevent such a fall
acknowledge the evil inclination is awake, the self-destructive side suggests doing something wrong and deciding not to cooperate with it.
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