food:
tortilla, jam, tofu, banana, coffee v milk, cig
chocolate croissant coffee v milk
pasta
10:44 10 min update
I had a fall today.
I brought 2 apples to work.
I finished teaching the first hour. Then, I encountered the void of 3 free lessons.
so I was attracted to the cafeteria
if the pasta was ready I'd buy and eat it too
I started to read later OA 12 steps
and the complete guide to self-mastery
but I was there at that moment when I had to choose what to do with the force/urge/ to eat something else
not my apples
now I'm drugged, by the cup of coffee
what is my problem? what was my problem?
maybe after the lesson I gave, there was a fall from being needed to the void and I needed a kick, a stimulant, like coffee and chocolate and sugar
maybe I'm addicted to dopamine
maybe every time I encounter tiredness, low mood, low energy, fatigue, exhaustion, etc, I firstly think of stimulants, exciting foods.
so what will help me? to overcome this habit?
guts
10 min are over.
888/2555/30295
13:11 10 min update
again
finished a class charged, namely, irritated because of the students' behaviors
the next lesson was suddenly canceled
I turn to buy and eat pasta
my success - some steps were slowed down on the way to the cafeteria.
the Gita lesson of today is now close to where I live
so I guess I will go
it means that right after the last lesson in work, Ill ride home to give a lesson on zoom that will end at 4pm. then I have a rest time till 17:30 when I'll maybe walk to the Gita lesson
and today, I won't go to the gym.
what do I need to learn?
I already read 30 min at OA 12 steps and some of the complete guide for self-mastery.
so, what should I learn? or what should I think?
what do I need? Should I elaborate on the drill before a fall?
I actually hoped not to go to the Gita lesson today
I said I'll make an effort to come, not that I'm coming
but I know myself, I'm kind of obligated to come
so, I have now, till 13:45, which is 27 minutes of free time
and from 4 to 5:30 I have free time
maybe I'll ride the bike to the Gita lesson, I'll see, I guess walking is better.
and 4-5:30 is a very nice time
unless I'll sleep all/most of it.
if I'm awake, what can I do? bodyweight exercises
I can clear the table in the living room, fold dry clothes, make space for movement, and learn new exercises.
889/30295
20:35 10 min update.
I was in the gym
I was in Gita lesson
I'm back home.
it's 20:35. till I'm going to sleep I'll do some steps.
maybe I need to read about overcoming urges
maybe I need to concentrate on learning about those moments when I can fall or grow.
maybe I need a drill
what do I do when there's an urge to fall
what can I do then?
a few minutes ago,
there was such a moment
I return home
and wanted a cig.
what could I do then?
I thought maybe I need to wait 5 minutues
I did put the timer to ring in 5 minutes
but
I was so desperate that I didn't wait this period of time and started to roll a cig. then smoked. with the leftover decaf coffee from last night.
so, what can help me?
oh! another insight
first of all, after the advice of vegan_muscle_coach
who suggested focusing either on wait loss or on muscle gain
I know my focus should be weight loss.
second,
I think I need to listen to my belly
not to eat when I'm not hungry
not to work out hard at the gym
to eat when I'm hungry and to eat a limited amount of food each time. a meal that has a start and an end.
In addition, I need a drill to those moments, when there's an urge to eat
like today
1. when I finished a lesson and encountered a void of 3 free lessons
2. what I finished a lesson, irritated and needed to compensate for the anger
so how do I do both?
I need a paper
and to follow this:
are you hungry? no? fast
yes? eat limited amount, of healthy food, and stop after relatively small amount.
that's it. until I become aligned with these rules.
2. a drill
I'm not hungry
but there's an urge
the drill:
try to convince yourself using "I" not "You" by writing, to keep following the pattern above
there probably will be behaviors that are not aligned with this
but, I should keep trying to practice until it works
and I can change the version of the drill.
now.
10 minutes are over
and I'm sitting in bed
and tired after the cig and food that I ate and didn't write about,
but I need to make the effort and prepare these papers as an act.
and maybe, maybe to dedicate it to You.
890/30295
10 minutes thanks
thanks that I cut my hair
thanks that my landlord didn't raise the rent
thanks that I watched a theatre show on Saturday
thanks that I start to work tomorrow at 10:15
thanks that I fixed the bed, on Saturday?
thanks that I ate my salad (guacamole) today, including leaves, parsley and cilantro and lemon
thanks that I have time with myself alone right now
thanks for the try to use a loop with colors
thanks that I worked out for 1 hour today
thanks that I can sublet this apartment and say it is my friend
thanks that on Friday is the last test I'll have to check this year
thanks for that starting next week I'm going to teach my classes my content.
thanks that I've checked my balance
thanks that on June ( and July?) there's gonna be an extra payment of 2k
thanks that the impact of the last cig is over. Thank You.
891/30295
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