food:
coffee v milk cig
apple
2 apples
pasta, big chocolate pastry, coffee v milk
pita hummus bean
black tea v milk cig.
weight:
9:14 10 min
I'm at work
I kind of escaped from home instead of tidying it
last night, I started a notebook
for writing there where I am at the loop
blue - fast
red - hungry
green - eat a small amount of food that has a start and an end preferably a healthy choice
yellow - the end of the meal and return to the blue fast zone
pink - if there's an urge although I'm not hungry, there's a drill. now's version: 10 min of writing, 1 person speaking, trying to overcome the urge.
then I smoked and didn't use it
same in the morning
and my thoughts are: it's not gonna work, I don't want it
I have 2 choices now
to return to this notebook and elaborate on it
second: to leave it
yesterday in the Gita lesson the guide said
the thing is to learn to choose
not what I feel like doing or don't
but rather what's right
so, what's right? To leave the notebook or to keep trying?
what does the notebook mean again?
I guess, I should write there all my actions, and before each one, to check my belly
Am I hungry (red) or am I not (blue)
and if I'm hungry
(green) choose a small amount of...
- "but it's not practical!" another voice in my head says and continue "when I want to eat, or when there's an urge, I'll eat, I won't turn to that notebook or writing"
I answer this voice: "maybe in the beginning. but later maybe I will turn to this notebook"
he says: "that's boring"
maybe I should meditate
but I need to reform my meditate
'cause 45 minutes at the beginning of the day, is too long
maybe I need 5, 10, 15 minutes of meditation while I'm not about to fall asleep.
891/30295
a fall analysis
there are so many falls
I ate 2 apples at work
then, when I heard there was no meeting of the staff I was happy and wanted to celebrate
my mind told me to go to the cafeteria, I bought pasta, a big chocolate pastry, ate then had coffee with v milk.
so this is what happened and why.
1 step forward:
wait 5 min
write about it for 5 minutes
ideal behavior:
maximum eating more apples
what will help me?
meditations
not appointing with friends or going to lessons, have my time alone and spend it on healing.
another fall
finished work early
came quickly home riding my motorcycle
then, instead of parking, I continued to the hummus for a pita,
why
I came home too quickly
such goodness is not real
I need to destroy it
I need to get back to earth
one step forward
parking and going there on foot/ riding the bike
ideal: go straight home
what can help me to prevent such an event in the future?
for every fall, write a fall analysis.
reading about controlling impulses.
another fall
I came home, I made black tea with v milk and a cig
why?
a belief: of course I'll have this after hummus, there's no doubt about it
1 step forward:
have this tea without v milk
ideal:
fast
things that can help me prevent such a fall in the future:
not going to the hummus from the start
tons of time for healing.
892/30295
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