Wed, May 31st, 2023. Sivan 11, 5783

 19:24 1st update 10 min

yesterday I made a decision about next year's workplace- 

and to that place, I will probably walk/ ride the bike

I still need to make the next step in fixing the puncture:

take a spoon, move the tire's rim out of the wheel, take out the inner tube, 

find the puncture fixing kit, inflate the inner tube, put it in a bowl of water, find the hole according to the bubbles, paste the glue, put a sticker, deflate the air, put the inner tube around the wheel, put the tire rim inside the wheel, inflate the inner tube, put the wheel back to its place in the bike - which is complicated 'cause it's the rear wheel.

wow. not sure next time, I'll do it again. but visioning all the steps, made me want to do it. but I can't now. I'm going to a movie

which is not one of the plans like running, tidyng the apartment, reading books, etc.

my belly is full

it is digesting the food I consumed today

I walked a lot today, and I'll update that now.

I want to be fit, lose fat, and lead a healthy lifestyle

what can help me?

928/30295

Tue, May 30, 2023 10 Sivan 5783

 10:50 1st update

I started with watermelon

then had 2 dates

then after the interview

I had 2 potato burekas, vanilla pastry, chocolate pastry, coffee v milk, cig

I bought another different chocolate pastry but left it for later.

I bought bananas for the protein shake.

I plan to go to the gym today and maybe complete yesterday's run. 

I want to make a salad today and proceed with fixing the puncture.

I want to include the lettuce in the salad, to take a 1-hour walk.

my main goal for today is personal - to decide to which school out of the 2 schools I was accepted I'll say yes and work next year.

I guess I'll go to the gym soon

what can I do to help me live a healthier lifestyle?

I wrote on the other side of the daily paper:

1. the foods I ate today

2. foods I have and can eat.

11:33 it's not time to eat. it's time to water-fast.

11:46 it's not nice in my belly right now

12:04 I carry extra fat

927/30295

Mon, May 29, 23

 8:07 1st update

I didn't bring food to work

didn't sleep well at all tonight

today I plan to run

I want to update 3 times today, 10 minutes each time

I need to cook and make a salad at home

I slept very little

I have so many things that I can do and still choose some bad things

I think that yesterday I smoked 6 cigs

I can boil potatoes

I have lettuce that waits for me for a long time

11:19

I had a break from work

I went to a friend's house to rest

but before

I bought food out. not fruit. I ate rice, potatoes and veggies.

then 2 chocolate pastries and a weak coffee with v milk and a cig.

17:57 2nd update

after work, I bought a pita with hummus. I bought also hummus in a box.

at home, I had black tea+ maple and a cig.

I tidied the apartment

I let my workplace know that I'm not coming tomorrow, 'cause I don't feel well

I'm cooking quinoa + buckwheat at the moment

I'm going to add canned beans into it.

I plan to make a salad of at least 2 ingredients.

After the dish is ready, I'm going to throw the garbage, feed the cats and run 2.6 km.

for the rest of the day I can

watch YouTube for 1 hour, 

take a walk for 1 hour

do a power exercise at home

read for 2.5 hours

and use other helping tools.

I feel tired and fat

I think the pita is bad for my body

it bloats. or maybe the combination of hummus and pita is bad. 

I hope the run + 1 hour walk will fix it.

I cut watermelon and put it in a box in the fridge.

maybe I can have the run and the walk in Tel Aviv, like yesterday.

I'll get ready with clothes for the run and for throwing the garbage.

926/30295

Sun, May 28, 23

 12:37 update

I'm at work

this morning I had 1 slice of bread, chocolate, decaf v milk cig

later at work, I had tomato salad, cauliflower, 2 slices of bread.

I threw a celery dish that didn't smell good.

today I plan 1 hour gym, 1 hour walk, 1 hour YouTube, 2.6km run.

from the food my patents brought, there are only 2 artichokes, 

I'll finish work at 14:25 and then go home. after the zoom I have at 3-4pm, I'll plan 

gym, run, walk, YouTube, TV, and books

925/30295

May28-June3 Exercising

 must: 3 gym, 3 runs, try to walk 1 hour a day or 7 hours a week

recommended: exercises at home 

Sun

1-hour gym, 55 min walk

Mon

1:06 h walk

Tue

 1-hour gym

Wed

6:15 km.

Thu

2.6km run1

Fri

1 hour gym 3

Sat

924/30295

Sat, May 27, 23

 

9:04 15 min about my health, lifestyle, eating, exercising

I'm at the gym as a worker

just watching in the gym

my parents brought me food yesterday: rice, potatoes, 

and last night I was at a dinner

I brought watermelon

I didn't exercise yesterday

I need to fix the bike.

tomorrow is another week

I hope to finish the work search and get relaxed after a decision. I'm going to write about it. 

next Thursday, I'm going to keep a dog for 8 days, and I might move to another apartment.

I'll have to learn how to cook there, how to use the stovetop there.

I should do a writing exercise now. 

what thought will help me to achieve my goals?

I'm gonna watch YouTube for 1 hour to get inspired 

I'm gonna take a 1-hour walk

I'm looking forward to my 2.6km run

there's a salad I made on Thursday in the fridge. I might throw it and make a new one.

I definitely listen to my belly

avoid eating when my belly is working

choose healthy food

eat it slowly

stop when it's enough

and go back to fasting till the next right time to eat 

what is the right time to eat?

when you're hungry, when you're weak, when you need energy.

I will learn when's the right time to eat

and act upon it.

here, in the gym, when there are no people, I can walk on the treadmill and watch YouTube.

when will I run the 2.6km? I can do that today.

I need to lift my spirit. today and every day.

how can I lift my spirit? how can cultivate motivation and state of mind that will keep me on track?

I can brainwash my self with health content

yesterday I watched some videos of fit men exercising. watching their fit body for long minutes encouraged me to visualize this kind of body for my self or maybe more accurately to think how it feels and what is the sensation of being in a fit body which may help me act accordingly the way there.

16:53

I plan 1 hour walk, 1 hour YouTube

I can run today, read, meditate, fix the bike, 

917/30295

60 min health coaching

I'm not sure if I should have 1 hour of self-health coaching or 10 minutes update and reading other successful people's content, but I'll start this 1 hour.

so, I'm not having good days in leading a healthy lifestyle

there was a holiday, and dinner, and my parents brought food

I eat too much

tomorrow is a new week

1. I plan 3 times gym a week, 

2. 1 hour walk every day, 

3. runs, 

4. maybe exercises

5. I plan eating fruit meals, 

6. protein, 

7. my cooked food 

8. and my salad, 

9. listening to my belly

lift my spirit

I need to catch a wave and t sustain its working

for that, I'm doing now 

10. the health coaching

of course, deciding about a workplace for next year will settle me down in my personal life

but I need to be patient, wait for Tuesday and decide then.

so things that can help me stable my mindset around a healthy lifestyle:

11. listening to yesterday's Raw Vegan Heroes Livestream

1 hour a day of walk

12. 1 hour a day of YouTube

maybe I need a strategy for those times when I think of eating when I'm not hungry or want to smoke

what can I do at those times?

use my helping tools of course

I encounter lots of free time

and soon I'll have the whole summer of free time

13. writing exercises

14. reading my books

15. Instagram

16. podcasts

17. Facebook feed, Facebook groups and pages

18. emails lists

19. people

20. websites

let me do now writing exercises:

how do I want my life to be in half a year? 20:32-20:36- 21:08

namely on November 27, 2023

if now I weigh 98, if I lose 0.5kg a week, 2 kg a month, 12 kg in 6 months, I'll weigh 86kg

namely, I still on the process to lose 24kg in total. which will happen in a year from now, on May 27, 2024.

as a beginning, I run 3 times a week. like I go to the gym 3 times a week, I run 3 times a week.

something has changed in my eating

I eat less

I listen to my belly

I quit smoking 

I fill the void with other choices

I fill the void using the helping tools

I can contain the void, emotions, despair, anxiety, shitty feeling, feelings, excitement, 

I don't give up on 1 hour walking everyday, 3 runs a week and 3 gym workouts a week.

I read about health, I follow inspiring people's content.

I meditate

I eat my food

I take food with me out

I cook, I prepare food, I make salads

I do exercises at home. it keeps me in a mindset of a fit guy.

a writing exercise:

how do I want my life to be in 40 years? 21:12-21:22

I'm 84 years old with Your help

I'm retired from school for 17 years now

I don't stop working

to contribute the society, animals, humanity,  earth

I grow food: fruit trees, vegetables, 

I consume Prana, I'm mostly a raw foodist, I'm fit, thin, hydrated, my lungs are clean, I have a tribe/ community, supportive community, 

I don't feel alone

I'm spiritual, I help people, I read, write, talk, create content, write books, I enjoy a wealthy pension, I help needy people, poor people

I have a dog

I have a relationship with You

I'm strong, I work out, exercise, 

I eat leaves, sprouts, fruits, 

I'm connected with nature

I have a cat too

I have friends, community, family, 

writing exercise: the secret ( 21:22-21:42)

what do I want? how do I get it? how does having that feel?

1. I want to be a non-smoker

how do I do it?

I run 3 times a week

I hang 3 run notes separately that I'll remind myself that every week I set a goal of 3 runs a week ( at least, as a beginning)

I listen to my belly

I avoid eating when I'm not hungry

I drink water when I have thoughts about eating when I'm not running

I vision myself having the body I want

I pray to You, ask for help from You, dedicate my sacrifices to You, 

I fill the void with good deeds, using the helping tools

I have a strong WHY to avoid bad deeds

I do it for the animals, for Earth, for You, for humanity

I don't mind crying, shedding tears, 

I see and feel thin, fit, slim, lean, shredded, defined, ripped, 

I feel my body without the extra fat

it feels lighter, worthier, my self-esteem is higher, I can be more helpful to other people, a better teacher, a better educator, 

this self-health coaching is coming to its end

do I think it was helpful? yes. the writing exercises are helpful.

I'll try to use now another tool: 1 hour YouTube

tomorrow, after work, I plan gym, a walk, a run, I have another work

alright, a good week!

and thank You G-d for giving me so many chances

I wish I'll catch a wave and sustain it.

918-923/30295

Fri, May 26, 23 6 Sivan 5783

 15:36  15 min update/ coaching

I'm tired, but not tired enough to sleep, so I prefer not to rest in bed and not do useful things

just earlier I ate all the cheesecake slices, my parents gave me. there were about 5-6 slices. 

I think a writing exercise like answering a question would be a good idea for now.

what should I do to solve my food addiction?

attend a weekly online OA meeting 

do writing exercises

write more updates

brainwash my mind with inspiring content

watch 1 hour of YouTube a day

listen to RFH (raw food heroes) weekly hour

check my balance in the bank daily

take walks

listen to my belly

decide about things clearly. like, writing down what I decide to do.

example: I decide to read for 30 minutes now. and then I strengthen my decision ( declaration) by fulfilling/ manifesting/ actualizing my decision.  

run

take walks

do 1 exercise at home

fix the puncture in my bike

take the wheel that is punctured out of the bike.

clean stained clothes with the special soap.

sort the papers and stuff I have and through/ give away what I don't need.

pray

write

read

learn about health

buy Brita filter

cook

make salads

eat fruits

buy bananas for the v protein

consume the protein with water only.

weigh me  

rest

sleep well

not schedule meeting with people

decide what school I want  to work at next year and close a deal ASAP

write about it today and tomorrow. 

916/30295

Thursday, May 25, 23

 9:38

it's a holiday

I feel the void

you know, I live alone

last night I texted the support group I created when thought about smoking

but my colleague wasn't available

she saw my 'hi' message this morning and again didn't reply

I'm gonna delete this group

later

or now for learning how to cut

I plan to go to the gym later

tonight is a holiday eve, I'm going to an event of talks, music, and food that people bring

I plan to go to the gym

my bike needs a fix

for that I need to find the kit for fixing the tire

maybe I can do it step by step

maybe I should also journal

so, quitting smoking didn't work

'cause I smoked last night and today morning

I opened 2 WhatsApp groups, CWU - conversation with You

and we quit smoking2 where I'm the only member.

I have a small bellyache now. earlier I ate watermelon and drank the liquid in the bottom of the box.

I tidied my apartment. it's much nicer now. I plan to make a salad and eat my cooked food. 

I have no bananas for a protein shake.

915/30295

Wed, May 24, 23

 weight:

circumference:

food + exercise:

2 potato burekas, 2 chocolate pastries, coffee v milk

herbal tea cig

watermelon.

13:18 

after the cig, when I felt drugged because of it, I contacted a colleague who quit smoking 2 weeks ago and I told her I'm joining her. 

I opened a WhatsApp group for her and me named: we quit smoking and packed all the smoking items I have in one plastic bag and put it in the cupboard. 

today I've been to 3 interviews

I'm asking You for guidance about what work to choose.

at the moment for me, there are 2 options

I was accepted for one of them and I could end this process

but for unclear reasons, I kept going to 3 scheduled interviews today, but now I narrowed the 4 places to 2. The end of the process for the 2nd place is on Tuesday but I want to make it earlier to Sunday and finish with that saga/ drama.

I'm free. it's a holiday. till Sunday. 

914/30295

Tue, May 23, 23

 weight:

circumference:

food + exercise:

tea + cig

watermelon

protein + bananas

quinoa+ lentils

1-hour gym

pita hummus

black tea v milk cig

run 2.5km

watermelon

10 min mindset coaching: what thoughts and beliefs do I want my mind to consist of?

I am listening to my belly

I know when to eat and when to stop eating

I eat consciously 

I am a fit guy

I keep myself fit

there's no extra fat over my abs

my chest is thin, stretched

I drink water to fill my belly, to cope with my hunger

I take deep breaths to cope with the turmoil

I can have a meal without bread, I'm creative about it, I eat hummus with vegetables and lettuce, 

I eat hummus with celery, carrots, cucumbers, red bell pepper, 

I run. at least 3 times a week. that's the minimum. sometimes, I run 4 times a week.

I'm not afraid of the void.

I can always talk to/ write You

I'm fit

I'm thin

I'm active

I lead an active lifestyle

I eat my food

I take food out

913/30295

May21-27 exercise

 Sun

gym

Mon

walk

Tue

gym2, run 2.5km

Wed

Thu

2 walks, gym3

Fri

Sat

912/30295

Sun, May 21, 23

 weight:

circumference:

food + exercise:

piece of bun, chocolate, decaf maple drops cig.

an orange

 a bun with hummus tofu tomato leaves

a bun with burger tomato leaves onion, a small roll with jam and peanuts, decaf maple cig

nap

updates + writing exercises:

8:51 I brought an orange, an apple, and a bun with tofu, hummus tomato, and leaves to work.

I hope to exercise today: gym, run, walk, 

I have a burger and a bun at home, I have watermelon at home. I need to cook and make a salad.

I plan to finish the bread I have at home and then quit bread. 

or maybe, I can have 1 slice of bread a day or so.

16:39 After eating the wheat/ dough - my belly isn't loose.

I am cooking quinoa+ lentils, and I plan to ride the bike to the gym.

911/30295

Fri, May 19, 23

weight:

circumference:

food + exercise:

piece of matza, chocolate, tea v milk cig.

2 plates of potatoes, sweet potatoes, onion, chili 

tea v milk cig, bun peanut butter jam.

update + writing exercises

15:48 

I need to find a job, but I'm not stressed as I was 2-3 days ago. 

there are enough options, thank You

I will also not go to work if I need time for interviews

I was encouraged to do so by more than one friends

so, it makes me more relaxed.

I bought a watermelon today

and leaves: celery, baby leaves, a package of 2 lettuce heads, red (purple) cabbage, bag of carrots, 1 fennel, 2 hard avocados, 

I bought buns ( I have 2 frozen burgers), hummus, and one small chocolate pastry

I did 45 min meditation

I need to tidy my apartment

I'll make a big salad for the dinner I'm invited to

I plan not to fill my belly

last night I drank alcohol and it was bad

not sure when I'll run

I didn't take a nap, just the 45 meditation and only in the 3rd and last 15 min, I started to become sleepy

maybe I should try to sleep

but I feel like doing something like reading

there was an insight today

in the void, emotions are waiting for me to be felt, 

usually I numb myself before I feel them

but today, I started to feel them

and it's not so bad

I just need to BREATHE THEM

Amen

I wish to be there and go through them by breathing them

 910/30295

Thu, May 18, 23. Iyar 27, 5783.

 weight: 97.6

circumference:

food + exercise:

I drank black tea + v milk cig. 8:15

I had the protein + bananas

at home, I had the salad + yesterday to which I added tofu, + tea v milk cig.

nap

5 iodine drops + water

8:42 update

I'm stressed. I need to find a job for next year. yes. again.

I finally ran yesterday 2.4 km

I hung notes on the door regarding  2.5-3.0 km runs

I have an orange and an apple

I'll take them  + protein shake to work

when I get home I have the salad and the dish.

tonight there's a social meeting I'm going

tomorrow is Friday

I need to complete 1 more gym workout for today

I should add yoga, flow, and exercises to my routine

I'll hang those 3 as notes on the door.

I plan to buy 2 watermelons after work today

writing exercise: thoughts I wish to think

I'm waiting fir the 2.5km run

I want to do some exercises with the dumbbells at home

(I found good work for next year, close to home! much closer than the current place)

I'm listening to my body

I don't eat if my body doesn't need energy

(my students love me, enjoy and benefit from my lessons)

(Thank You. I'm sorry. please forgive me. I love You.)

I need to buy more alfalfa sprouts, lettuce, and baby leaves

I should keep meditating every morning if I get up early

I'm getting thinner, I lose fat

I'm relaxed

(with Your help, I'll find a good job soon)

(I'll manage to take the cat to the U.S )

I must keep listening to my belly 

I should always carry water

and breathe to relax

18:49 update

my Dr. called me to tell me I need to increase the thyroid medication. 

because my TSH is 11.something

I think that intermittent fasting can help me, quitting smoking, avoiding gluten, 

listening to my belly ( for example, now it is bloated, because of the salad I ate, and this is why I'm standing now)

909/30295

Wednesday, May 17, 23

 weight: 

circumference:

food + exercising:

1 hour gym

then, I thought I need to wait 20 minutes for the shop that sells watermelons cheaply

so, I went to the cafe nearby

ate potato burekas, chocolate

water + 2 iodine drops

water + 2 iodine drops

protein + bananas

pita hummus

a walk

tea v milk cig

nap

2 bike rides

I finished the protein shake xx:xx

I made a rich salad

I ate the salad + potatoes tofu dish, drank herbal tea xx:xx

I finished the herbal tea+ black tea v milk cig 

I had a cig with orange juice. xx:xx

908/30295

Tuesday, May 16, 23

 weight: 98.0

circumference: 111.1 cm

food + exercising:

half slice of rye bread chocolate, coffee v milk cig.

9:25 update

today,  I plan a walk

I still have the potatoes dish, I'll add chili beans

I'll try the salad from Friday

I made a protein shake yesterday

I have apples and oranges

I'll buy a watermelon

there's stress in my belly

I should do writing exercises like the thoughts I want to think

I'll read Gita and How Not To Die

I need a paper for today

after reading these books I will read books freely and try to read for more than 30 min

so either I'll read freely or decide that I'll read each book for 1-3 hours to deepen its content.

another idea:

I should always translate thoughts like this:

I want bread with chocolate and coffee and cig 

to 

I need sugar and adrenaline 

to I'll eat fruit, dates, and do some push-ups

writing exercise: the thoughts I want to think

I quit smoking

finally, I quit smoking

I haven't smoked for 1 day

I haven't smoked for 2 days

I haven't drunk coffee for a week

today I'm running

I'm running 2.4km right now

I'm in control ( thanks to You always) in my eating and behavior

I do what's right

I choose the right actions

I listen to my body

my health is my highest priority

my sleep is very important

I dedicate 7.5 hours to sleeping

today I'll eat my salad and my cooked food

I'll eat at the table (not while standing in the kitchen)

every day I wash the dishes

every day I tidy my apartment

tomorrow I'm working out at the gym and buying watermelon

this exercise is helpful, I should use it more often.

906/30295

13:01 10 min update

I might eat apples and oranges I have before an important meeting I'm gonna have in 29 minutes with my principal and coordinator

today is a free day

I just plan a walk

regarding food, I plan to eat salad, the dish + chili, hummus, sauerkraut, nori olives, pickles, tofu, avocado

yes, I can eat also dates with Brazil nuts and walnut

I can add raisins to the cooked dish

alright, let me do a small writing exercise: the thoughts I want to automatically think

I want to run today badly

I'm looking forward to my 2.4 km run today

I'm looking forward to hanging the 2.5km run note on my door

I'm looking forward to buying a watermelon tomorrow after working out at Bat Yam gym

I want to eat seaweed, and green leaves today

I want to add Iodine drops to my water today

I'm looking forward to my power workout tomorrow

i really want to practice yoga/ exercises/ flow today

I feel my belly is loose, free, flat, 

I'm happy (with Your help) I can do 20 chin-ups in a row

I love what I see in the mirror

I'm happy to weigh 74 kg, I'm proud of that achievement

I'm so happy to be a non-smoker an ex-smoker

907/30295

Mon, May 15, 23

 weight:

circumference:

food + exercising:

coffee v milk cig.

2 apples

my cooked food: potatoes, sweet potatoes red onions beans, salad. at work.

2 sweet pastries, coffee milk sugar cig

1-hour workout at the gym

nap

watermelon

10 min update 8:35-8:45

I'm at work. there's no work.

I'm gonna be here for couple of hours

I plan to do some research,  and read books.

after that I plan to workout at the gym, my 1st workout for this week

I brought apples, a salad from Friday, and a dish of beans and potatoes to school. I brought them in a picnic box.

In a month + 5 days, I fly to the U.S. for the summer. 

I have to do some arrangements till then

let me concentrate on health here

yesterday I took a walk. I'll update it now. done.

I finished the latkes/ burgers/ 2 soy pastes/ v ice cream/ v milk yesterday and today

the organic coffee is about to run out, 

since I'm in overdraft, I'll try to stick to tea bags which I have in abundance

what food do I have at home?

rye bread

oranges

watermelon I opened last Tuesday

apples

nori, flax seeds, dates, parsley, lettuce, baby leaves, 

last night I sat with a friend and ate out

she wanted

and we shared fries with grated cheese, 2 dips, and a salad with cheese, I drank a vodka shot

I don't have money 

(I'm looking for extra work and try to minimize my expenses)

me and her, my friend, later took a walk in Tel Aviv. it was almost 1 hour. maybe 52 minutes. maybe less than 3 km.

today there's a Gita lesson

I think I'll pass, to do other things, like running, tidying the apartment, taking a walk, do things I wanted to do, using the tools, and working on my fat loss

ok, this update is finished.

905/2555/30295

Sun, May 14, 23

 weight:

circumference:

food+ exercising:

chalah bread, chocolate, coffee v milk, cig

8:55 update

I slept a little

I don't feel it at the moment so much

I hope to go to the gym today

and to walk 8k

I didn't throw the salad from Fri

I'll have a look at it

I have an avocado spread I made, hummus, rye bread, the dish I made of potatoes, sweet potatoes and canned chili

I took apples and oranges to work, and water

I have nori, orange juice, alfalfa sprouts, another pot of boiled potatoes + sweet potatoes ( I didn't empty the water)

watermelon! that I should eat before it rots

brazil nuts, walnuts, dates, raisins, miso paste, peanut butter, frozen bananas, protein powders, lemons, onions, cucumbers, tomatoes, parsley, cilantro, baby leaves I should eat before they rot, 

jam, radishes, carrots, 

today I'll water the plants

904/30295

May14-20 exercising

 Sun

a walk

Mon

1-hour workout at the gym

Tue

1:24 hours walk

Wed

1 hour gym

a walk

ride bike

2.4 km run

Thu

Fri

Sat

2 walks

bike ride

1-hour gym

903/30295

Sat, May 13, 23

 weight:

circumference:

food + exercising:

15:32 update

I'm tired, as usual. it's Saturday. 

I took 2 walks today, 5.7+4.8km. 

yesterday's dinner is over

I'm not going to host a dinner soon

on the other hand, I've already registered ( and paid although I'm short in money) for a social meeting on Thursday in Modiin ( I have a ride) and scheduled a meeting for Tuesday. 

I have this big mirror. I think it serves my goals which are aligned with Your (as I understand You) goals.

a lot of food was left from last night's dinner

last night, except for 1 small extra food I ate, I was great at not over-eating. 

but, today, at lunch, I think I ate too much. 

yes, maybe I am too tired now and I should try to sleep. this time though, I'll leave my phone outside the bedroom.

902/2555/30295

Fri, May 12, 23

 weight:

circumference:

food + exercising:

coffee v milk cig

v protein + bananas

8:45 update

easy day at work

I just watch, 8:15-10:15

then, I'll head to the gym for the 3rd workout this week

then I'll shop, 'cause I host tonight's dinner

at 15:00 I have a Zoom meeting with my trainee

then I'm free, 

I'll arrange everything for dinner

we are 7 people tonight

I just cook a dish, prepare vegan meat and make a salad. that's it

without further ado, I'll start reading now.

901/30295

Thu

 weight: 98.0

circumference: 110

food: quarter bread chocolate coffee v milk cig.

melon

melon

pea, tahini lemon tomatoes salt pepper tofu, black tea v milk cig

nap

1-hour walk 

snack, sweet popcorn, herbal tea

zero, cig.

900/30295

Wednesday, May 10, 23

 weight:

circumference:

food + exercise:

coffee v milk cig

1 hour gym

watermelon

melon

out: hummus 2 pita, 2 falafel balls

decaf v milk cig

18:45 quinoa lentils, tofu, chili sauce, alfalfa, carrots, 

salad, 

Bamba, 

date 2 brazil nuts,

bread peanut butter jam

2 clementines, weak coffee v milk cig

big chips bag 1100 cal, wine, cig

17:43 update

I bought a mirror today, a big mirror

to see me

to see how fat I am

to see how tired I am

to get more connected to my body

to see myself losing weight

to love what I see in the mirror

I went out for chores, with a cooler with watermelon and melon, 

but I was still hungry so I ate out

I have food at home

I should take more food with me when I go

I should consume MORE PROTEIN

and read Robert Cheeks' books

it's 17:46, I might take a walk today, and for the rest of the day, I'll use my helping tools

consume inspiration etc

899/30295

Tue, May 9, 23

weight: 98.0kg

circumference: 112.2cm

food + exercise:

1 (=1 slice) rye bread, peanut butter, jam, coffee v milk cig

clementine, orange

falafel in lafa bread and salads

coffee v milk

continuation of the coffee+cig from the morning

cucumbers + an apple (20:02)

20:02 update

I'm hosting in less than 1 hour few friends

I bought orange juice

watermelon

melon

carrots that I can cut into diagonal slices

I'm gonna prepare avocado + lemon, maybe adding green onion

I bought junk food: chips and Bamba (peanuts processed snack)

I might cook + bake potatoes and sweet potatoes according to the need

I'll make a lemonade maybe or cold tea

I took the train today to the north to meet my family

I listen to podcasts

to Eliran De Mayo about emotional eating

I really should process the info I consume

for example, after I listen to this interview with Eliran, I should write something about it

for example:

3 things he recommended for the end of the interview:

1. listen to your body

2. courage to do what's not common/ conventional

3. Faith, believe that you can change

what else? he said, that when you have a job that you REALLY love, or you have a person you REALLY love to hug at night, you are satiated, you don't need something else

he said people are drugged by foods

people don't necessarily want to live the life they can live

he said he feels wonderful in his body all the time compared to the excitement caused by eating chocolate

I also watched a video of a fit guy, an Asian guy, whose body is very fit

he's not vegan but I found his video inspiring.

I listen to the vegan gym podcast and the I am your vegan trainer podcast

but I don't remember much.

I'm standing now, in front of the laptop

I listened also to a Jewish prayer podcast

before I go, I feel motivated to get fit, lose body fat, move, and exercise, not only at the gym

brainwash me with content

I was interested in the mindsets of successful fit (vegan) men

and now I know how to understand the way they think

I should just listen to their content, watch their videos, etc. Hearing them is hearing their mindset, the way they think, the thoughts they think, the beliefs they believe in, and their belief system. 

so, I should listen to them

make them my new friends

I made a list of vegan fit influencer men

their names, Facebook, Instagram, Podcast, YouTube, website, etc.

see you later. Good luck to me in my process

yes

last night when I took a walk, and listen to Dan Remi who is a very fit vegan and a coach, 

he said, look at my Instagram account, see who I follow

and in half ear (I wasn't 100% concentrated) he said, find a guy you get inspired by, and binge  ( not sure he used this word) his content.

I call this helping tool "people"

choosing a person and consuming their content for 1 hour (for example) 

898/30295

Mon, May 8, 23

 weight: 98.0

food + exercises:

coffee v milk cig

clementine

a fall after 10 min engaging in writing info about people to follow, 

big roll with avocado, big chocolate pastry, coffee v milk.

1-hour gym

2 apples, 

2 bread, hummus, nori, cucumber, radish, sauerkraut, alfalfa

green tea v milk cig

nap

a walk, big potato mushroom pastry

green tea v milk cig

897/30295

Sun, May 7, 23

 weight:

food + exercise:

1 bread, peanut butter, jam, coffee v milk, cig

1 clementine, pasta, big roll with eggs salad, big chocolate pastry, coffee v milk 11:47

3 clementines, free tea v milk, cig

30 min walk

protein + bananas

more walk, 6 km in total

2 bread, hummus, sauekraut, cucumber 21:28

Singing before a fall, decaf v milk cig

11:47

another fall, but I don't feel bad this time for a change

it cost me 39 NIS and I'm in overdraft

I'm in the red at the bank

wow overdraft means I withdrew money too much

I used money more than I have, I use money I don't have, that is what it means,

1. daily balance check - done

if I don't know how to save money

I should find another job

this week I'll have expenses for the dinner I host and another evening that I host

1 step to save money is to check the balance every day

actually in 3 days, when I'll get a salary, I won't see it 

I need to earn or save somehow 4500 nis.

I can health coach 'cause I'm still sick

today there was a post in Facebook

asking what do you do when you feel empty?

the answers I liked:

sports ( run or power)

good book, a good movie, creation, nature, planting, beach, music, playing an instrument, (sleep), animals, earth, dancing, write 5 things I succeeded to do today, giving. break, rest, movement.

so

I finished a lesson

and had free time

the default  ( the only fire I need to put out) is checking the tests which is not something I enjoy, it more like a chore, an obligation, I must do sometime)

and what did I do?

the only sacrifice I gave was eating 1 clementine. It is something. I appreciate it.

but I should make another step.

I can have a note in my pocket

I can write there what's the next meal

and what's the next thing to try doing in a state of almost falling.

so, I can try reading a book for 10 minutes

or singing ( I want to sing "your song" and "if I saw you in heaven")

or taking a walk.

should I try it?

I need a plan

although I don't believe in myself

but at least I'll try. 

two notes.

1. next meal is clementines

2. next thing to try when I'm about to fall is: singing 10 minutes.

20:55 I was bloated when I left for the walk to the gym

I couldn't imagine myself hungry 

but as I know it could happen

I took a jar of frozen bananas + protein powder shake

and when I reached the gym I felt weak, I felt the muscles of my arms breaking down 

so I drank the shake

but

1. it wasn't enough

2. the experience of feeling weakness turn my desire to workout off

so I went home

the hummus on the way was luckily close

I bought Iodine

I bought industrial hummus ( although I have 2 ripe avocados)

I bought lettuce + alfalfa sprouts

I still use the notes and I dedicate them to You.

I write there

1. my next meal ( a few options, anyway not out)

2. next time before I fall I can do ( a few options)

I also made a note for healthy shopping, walks, gym, and listening (to podcasts) during the walks as gifts to You

896/30295

exercising May7-13, 23

 Sun

6 km walk

Mon

1-hour gym

walk 

Tue

Wed

1-hour gym

Thu

1-hour walk 

Fri

1-hour gym

Sat

5.7+4.8 = 10.5 km walks

895/30295

Sat, May 6, 23

 food + exercising:

2 bread peanut butter jam coffee v milk cig

leftovers of bananas and protein 

nori lentils quinoa sauerkraut tahini, decaf v milk cig

nori lentils quinoa sauerkraut tahini, bread peanut butter jam coffee v milk cig 18:09

1.5 hours walk, 6.42 km

including big potato burekas.

18:06 update

I meditated for  30 minutes

haven't walked yet

I'm standing now

I cleaned the house and reached sweating 

tomorrow is a new week

I host twice, that's a lot

I visited a friend now although I said to minimize that

this week I stayed in Bat Yam mostly

I took walks here and went to the gym here.

it's 18:12 and I have time for healing.

I will read books, I might take 1-hour walk 

tomorrow is a new week

besides hosting, which is I admit, tough, for me, 

but I said I will, and I don't look back

there's a day off on Tuesday, a holiday, and I'll probably visit my family in the north.

these are the challenges next week.

it's hard for me to stand after the coffee+cig but I'm doing it 'cause I ate and I want the GI tract to be free for movement and not obstructed

that's it. I'm gonna use the tools

the helping tools

oh, I have tests to check at work

and besides that the time is for healing. 

894/30295

Thu, May 4, 23

 coffee v milk and cig

apple

8:53 10 minutes update

I started today with coffee v milk and cig

there was a natural bowel movement

yesterday I took a walk and did 1-hour gym workout

I finished my cooked food yesterday

I should wash the dishes today, put the dry dishes in their place

I should cook today and make a salad

I have:

parsley, 

I need to water the plants 

I ran out of tofu, so I need to buy

I've just eaten an apple.

I need to buy fruit. I have only 1 apple and frozen bananas.

I ruined my blender yesterday

I might buy a new one

am I in the middle of 30 minutes reading a book?

yes. Raw Food Explained.

I did 15 minutes of meditation this morning but I was too tired to concentrate.

I have 30 minutes more for gym workouts this week. I think I'll do it tomorrow, before work.

yesterday at work, we had a meal, and I didn't control my eating

I ate 2 chocolate cakes, 3 or 4 burekases

a dry slice of pizza

a salad with cheese

two small buns 

labane cheese

tahini, 

today there's going to be another meal at work

I brought a whole watermelon.

893/30295

Tue, May 2, 23, 11 Iyar 5783

 food:

coffee v milk cig

apple

2 apples

pasta, big chocolate pastry, coffee v milk

pita hummus bean

black tea v milk cig. 

weight:

9:14 10 min

I'm at work

I kind of escaped from home instead of tidying it

last night, I started a notebook

for writing there where I am at the loop

blue - fast

red - hungry

green - eat a small amount of food that has a start and an end preferably a healthy choice

yellow - the end of the meal and return to the blue fast zone

pink - if there's an urge although I'm not hungry, there's a drill. now's version: 10 min of writing, 1 person speaking, trying to overcome the urge.

then I smoked and didn't use it

same in the morning

and my thoughts are: it's not gonna work, I don't want it

I have 2 choices now

to return to this notebook and elaborate on it

second: to leave it

yesterday in the Gita lesson the guide said 

the thing is to learn to choose 

not what I feel like doing or don't

but rather what's right 

so, what's right? To leave the notebook or to keep trying?

what does the notebook mean again?

I guess, I should write there all my actions, and before each one, to check my belly 

Am I hungry (red) or am I not (blue)

and if I'm hungry 

(green) choose a small amount of...

- "but it's not practical!" another voice in my head says and continue "when I want to eat, or when there's an urge, I'll eat, I won't turn to that notebook or writing"

I answer this voice: "maybe in the beginning. but later maybe I will turn to this notebook"

he says: "that's boring" 

maybe I should meditate

but I need to reform my meditate

'cause 45 minutes at the beginning of the day, is too long

maybe I need 5, 10, 15 minutes of meditation while I'm not about to fall asleep.

891/30295

a fall analysis

there are so many falls

I ate 2 apples at work

then, when I heard there was no meeting of the staff I was happy and wanted to celebrate

my mind told me to go to the cafeteria, I bought pasta, a big chocolate pastry, ate then had coffee with v milk.

so this is what happened and why.

1 step forward:

wait 5 min

write about it for 5 minutes

ideal behavior:

maximum eating more apples

what will help me?

meditations

not appointing with friends or going to lessons, have my time alone and spend it on healing. 

another fall

finished work early

came quickly home riding my motorcycle

then, instead of parking, I continued to the hummus for a pita, 

why

I came home too quickly

such goodness is not real

I need to destroy it

I need to get back to earth

one step forward

parking and going there on foot/ riding the bike

ideal: go straight home

what can help me to prevent such an event in the future?

for every fall, write a fall analysis.

reading about controlling impulses.

another fall

I came home, I made black tea with v milk and a cig

why?

a belief: of course I'll have this after hummus, there's no doubt about it

1 step forward:

have this tea without v milk

ideal:

fast

things that can help me prevent such a fall in the future:

not going to the hummus from the start

tons of time for healing.

892/30295

Monday, May 1st, 2023

food:

tortilla, jam, tofu, banana, coffee v milk, cig

chocolate croissant coffee v milk

pasta 

10:44 10 min update

I had a fall today.

I brought 2 apples to work.

I finished teaching the first hour. Then, I encountered the void of 3 free lessons.

so I was attracted to the cafeteria

if the pasta was ready I'd buy and eat it too

I started to read later OA 12 steps

and the complete guide to self-mastery

but I was there at that moment when I had to choose what to do with the force/urge/ to eat something else

not my apples

now I'm drugged, by the cup of coffee

what is my problem? what was my problem?

maybe after the lesson I gave, there was a fall from being needed to the void and I needed a kick, a stimulant, like coffee and chocolate and sugar

maybe I'm addicted to dopamine

maybe every time I encounter tiredness, low mood, low energy, fatigue, exhaustion, etc, I firstly think of stimulants, exciting foods.

so what will help me? to overcome this habit?

guts

10 min are over.

888/2555/30295

13:11 10 min update

again

finished a class charged, namely, irritated because of the students' behaviors

the next lesson was suddenly canceled 

I turn to buy and eat pasta

my success - some steps were slowed down on the way to the cafeteria.

the Gita lesson of today is now close to where I live

so I guess I will go

it means that right after the last lesson in work, Ill ride home to give a lesson on zoom that will end at 4pm. then I have a rest time till 17:30 when I'll maybe walk to the Gita lesson

and today, I won't go to the gym.

what do I need to learn?

I already read 30 min at OA 12 steps and some of the complete guide for self-mastery.

so, what should I learn? or what should I think?

what do I need? Should I elaborate on the drill before a fall?

I actually hoped not to go to the Gita lesson today

I said I'll make an effort to come, not that I'm coming

but I know myself, I'm kind of obligated to come 

so, I have now, till 13:45, which is 27 minutes of free time

and from 4 to 5:30 I have free time

maybe I'll ride the bike to the Gita lesson, I'll see, I guess walking is better.

and 4-5:30 is a very nice time 

unless I'll sleep all/most of it.

if I'm awake, what can I do? bodyweight exercises

 I can clear the table in the living room, fold dry clothes, make space for movement, and learn new exercises.

889/30295

20:35 10 min update.

I was in the gym

I was in Gita lesson

I'm back home.

it's 20:35. till I'm going to sleep I'll do some steps.

maybe I need to read about overcoming urges

maybe I need to concentrate on learning about those moments when I can fall or grow.

maybe I need a drill

what do I do when there's an urge to fall

what can I do then?

a few minutes ago, 

there was such a moment

I return home

and wanted a cig.

what could I do then?

I thought maybe I need to wait 5 minutues

I did put the timer to ring in 5 minutes

but

I was so desperate that I didn't wait this period of time and started to roll a cig. then smoked. with the leftover decaf coffee from last night.

so, what can help me?

oh! another insight

first of all, after the advice of vegan_muscle_coach

who suggested focusing either on wait loss or on muscle gain

I know my focus should be weight loss.

second, 

I think I need to listen to my belly

not to eat when I'm not hungry

not to work out hard at the gym

to eat when I'm hungry and to eat a limited amount of food each time. a meal that has a start and an end.

In addition, I need a drill to those moments, when there's an urge to eat

like today

1. when I finished a lesson and encountered a void of 3 free lessons

2. what I finished a lesson, irritated and needed to compensate for the anger

so how do I do both?

I need a paper

and to follow this:

are you hungry? no? fast

yes? eat limited amount, of healthy food, and stop after relatively small amount.

that's it. until I become aligned with these rules.

2. a drill

I'm not hungry

but there's an urge

the drill:

try to convince yourself using "I" not "You" by writing, to keep following the pattern above

there probably will be behaviors that are not aligned with this

but, I should keep trying to practice until it works

and I can change the version of the drill.

now.

10 minutes are over

and I'm sitting in bed

and tired after the cig and food that I ate and didn't write about, 

but I need to make the effort and prepare these papers as an act. 

and maybe, maybe to dedicate it to You.

890/30295

10 minutes thanks

thanks that I cut my hair

thanks that my landlord didn't raise the rent

thanks that I watched a theatre show on Saturday

thanks that I start to work tomorrow at 10:15

thanks that I fixed the bed, on Saturday?

thanks that I ate my salad (guacamole) today, including leaves, parsley and cilantro and lemon

thanks that I have time with myself alone right now

thanks for the try to use a loop with colors

thanks that I worked out for 1 hour today

thanks that I can sublet this apartment and say it is my friend

thanks that on Friday is the last test I'll have to check this year

thanks for that starting next week I'm going to teach my classes my content.

thanks that I've checked my balance

thanks that on June ( and July?) there's gonna be an extra payment of 2k

thanks that the impact of the last cig is over. Thank You.

891/30295