I started the week bad
ate pastries coffee cig
then hummus and bean pita breads and have a bad stomach ache now.
I started a new thing
I have a paper where I write:
self control in food
and I give myself period of time to eat clean,
for example: I started with 3 hours of clean food.
and each time I'll obey my decisions ( I signed my name at the bottom of the declaration)
I'll accumulate this time and write in the title it's been 3:00 hours that I controlled my eating, 6:00 hours, 2 days and 3 hours
and thus my confidence in myself as controlling food will increase.
as I know myself, I'm going to have this stomach ache for more hours.
so I fast totally, even without water
I might not take a walk and practice yoga because of it
I'll do other things
but that's a bad start of the week. I have a free day, no work, no work from home, I canceled a zoom lesson as a student and still this day is getting lost
I do what I can do
I'll use this horrible pain for a start or jump to healthy eating.
can you explain more about your new plan?
so, for example, until 17:48 o'clock it's the first 3 hours. it's easy to me to control my eating because of the pain, the belly ache.
and then, I'll decide that I eat clean until 20:00 or 22:30 and then until 00:30.
- something is not sitting right.
weren't you thinking of having few papers attached that you could use writing in crisis times?
- I was.
- so, do it now.
- ok.
I did it. but what will I do if I go out?
- tonight I will have a small bag and put it inside with a pen.
- so, how will you use it in crisis time? Can you explain and demonstrate?
- I can write: I have an urge to eat hummus.
- and then?
- I can write: there's a cake on the table. and it looks appealing/ tasty/ scrumptious
but, I'm in a time when I practice controlling my eating.
I can write about the sensations in my body while wanting the cake, the feelings, emotions, the way the disease/ addiction/ bad bacteria/ evil inclination/ the other side / the monster/ the little kid in me/ my ego etc. is trying to convince me to feed it.
- I'm not convinced it will work. Can you convince me about this way?
I don't believe it will work. I think there's a good chance you will keep this paper during tonight's lesson in your bag and decide to eat the cake.
- you are the monster talking. and I signed the paper. fuck you. Fuck you.
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