what I ate:
2.5 cakes, tea,
chocolate croissant, coffee almond milk, cigarette.
my cooked food quinoa + lentils, spicy sauce, coffee almond milk cig
protein
3 plums, 15:47
11:24, 25 minutes
it's my day off
I'm home, thank You
I rode to Tel Aviv for a prayer this morning and errands
and I ate junk food
Tel Aviv is a celebration
as I wrote in my journal
I sat in a cafe, with croissant and watched the hot men (who don't eat croissants, not the amount I do any way) passing
I mean, my thinking is flawed
I want to be part of the hot men
not a fat old man who ruins his health, destructs his body, smoke, drink a bitter coffee, eats a fattening
croissant
I saw some shirtless guys running in the promenade
perfect fall weather
I want to be like them
not the fat guy who's dressed and passing near by.
what will help me?
quiet time like I have now with my self
the window to the main road is closed.
to rest enough
I'm tired now. it's just 11:30
yesterday I participated in an OA zoom meeting. did it help me?
I participated on Monday in a Gita/ bhagavad gita/ bhakti yoga lesson. did it help me?
what can help me?
everywhere they talk about You, G-d
(heart burn)
on the Monday meeting, the guide told me, in order to establish relationships with you, i should do japa. but I have a resistance to that. so he told me I can read psalms ( I'm connected to that) that praise You. (psalms in English, yes?)
I can try to stop calling You just G-d, and add adjective like almighty
it's amazing that the guide who believes in Krishna suggested me to read psalms.
(what might help me?)
ok. in the book I started reading yesterday, the question what will help me is not the direction.
on the other hand I should ask:
how can I help humanity/ the environment?
what do You, almighty G-d want me to do?
How can I serve You today?
How can I serve You now?
according to the book: my existence (the place "I" take) should have a life which is the meaning/ purpose/ service that I give.
I have a lot of potential purpose, meaning, service
I want to advocate for:
environmentalism, fitness, healthy lifestyle, healthy relationships, NVC, the work, healing, veganism, green sustainable energy, permaculture, animals rights, natural health, natural nutrition, whole plant based diet,
that's a lot
so why do I fall?
if I have an enormous message, so many more than life messages to spread,
why don't I walk the talk?
is it because I serve "I'? the bad inclination? the ego?
what's wrong with me?
maybe I know the answers
I know the tools
I just need to regulate my energy and time differently?
567/30295
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